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Week of September 24, 2002 |
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BALLY'S TUNICA
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TUNICA, Miss., September 24 (UPI) -- Okay, so I'm standing
in the foyer of the Delta Levee Cafe ("good country cookin',"
says the brochure, which has a habit of dropping g's, Mississippi
style), and I realize that the Delta Levee is not just a cool
name, it's literally the theme of the restaurant. The restaurant
is based around a real-life earthen dam.
The reason I know this is that I'm studying the vintage
photos of hydraulic dump trucks building the levee in 1932.
You've got to be seriously interested in Mississippi history to
build a whole room around dump-truck photos, and so I'm impressed
by the sheer daring of the idea.
It's, of course, an Old Fart thing to do, but Bally's in
Tunica is sort of the Old Fart capital of the world. It looks
like the world's most elaborate Cracker Barrel. The main building
is a red barn with outbuildings and a silo. (The silo actually
contains the Bonkerz Comedy Club.) The carpet is a truly
frightening green, red and yellow with a wildlife theme--birds
and fish and sea anemones. The restaurant has homey wooden booths
and framed apple-crate labels. Even the brochure for the place is
written by somebody who studied old "Beverly Hillbillies"
episodes:
"When you're hankerin' for a good time, meet up with some of
the friendliest folks around at Bally's Casino in Tunica,
Mississippi!"
You'll find "more slots and table games than you can shake a
stick at," not to mention "heapin' servings of your favorite
vittles" at the Cornucopia Buffet. (Shouldn't that be
"servin's"?)
In other words, it's quaint, it's downscale, it's the kind
of place your grandmother would love. And since it's sort of out
where the bus don't stop no more, located on a cul-de-sac pretty
far away from the other ten Tunica casinos, you would think it
wouldn't have a chance in Hades to attract anything other than
nickel slots players bused in from nursing homes.
And yet it's pretty durn successful. Even though it's tiny,
it's actually seventh out of ten in terms of revenues and
profitability, and that's because the people who do love it, really
love it. It probably wouldn't survive in any market
outside the South, but this is Tunica, where there's no such
thing as being too hokey. If I owned it, I think I'd bring in
some cows and goats just for additional ambience.
Bally's Tunica is actually the successor of two casinos that
were among the original four riverboats that docked at Mhoon
Landing after gambling was legalized here in 1992. Mhoon Landing
is abandoned now, too far south of Memphis to compete, but one of
those original boats was called the Lady Luck, and when it's
fortunes started to fail on the river proper, the owners moved
several miles north and threw up the barn, which is actually a
barge, although you can't tell because it's surrounded by parking
lots. When they still failed to turn a profit, it was taken over
by Bally's, which moved out of its own riverboat a year later.
That was in December of 1995, after seven other casinos had
opened in the northern part of the county, but somehow the little
isolated Old McDonald joint hung in there and profited on what
eventually amounted to a $65 million investment. It helps that
Bally's is now owned by Park Place Entertainment, the largest
player in Tunica, owners of both the Grand and the Sheraton.
Bally's doesn't have any of the ultra-modern trappings of
most casinos--zero space for meetings or conventions, no hotel--
but does have a small motel nearby that is the area's best kept
secret. On most nights you can get a $19 room there, and with
that room comes the use of all the facilities at the Grand, which
is a mega-resort with a golf course, skeet shooting range, spa,
gourmet restaurants and Tunica's largest gaming floor. (Oh yeah,
you also get a refrigerator in the room. They're very proud of
this fact.)
The shuttle-bus ride is just five minutes to the Grand, so
here's one of my rare Arthur Frommer travel tips: Stay at Bally's
but don't gamble or eat there.
Not that it isn't an okay place to hang out. They know they
have to keep people entertained, so they always have live music
in The Saloon, a semi-circular bar that functions as the lounge.
They book C-level acts like B.J. Thomas, Jason D. Williams, Sonny
Turner's Platters, and Clarence Carter, but the better draw is
actually the comedy club, which books "as seen on" comics ("As
seen on Comedy Central," "As seen on USA Network," "As seen on
Showtime").
The gaming experience itself is nothing special, unless you
like rusty iron, exposed wood and railroad ties. Oh, and SUVs!
Bally's loves to give away SUVs in special drawings and slots
promotions.
Bonkerz, the comedy club, is the only one in Tunica, and
it's the only comedy club I've ever seen that's in the round.
(Remember, it's in a silo.) I've worked a few comedy clubs in my
day, and something about facing those people in the round is
absolutely frightening to me. My hat is off to anyone who gets
booked there.
The motto of Bally's is "It just feels right!" I tried to
get into that feeling, but I didn't quite make it. They had
excellent chicken fried steak in the Delta Levee, though, so I
agreed with the brochure when it told me that Bally's is a fine
place to "rest a spell." Isn't that what Granny did?
It fits.
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© Copyright 2002 United Press International and Joe Bob Briggs
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