LAS VEGAS, Nev., March 26 (UPI) -- Remember all those articles a few years back about Vegas becoming "Orlando in the Desert"?

Here's what Casino Men say when you ask them, off the record, what they think of children:

"Hate 'em!"

"I'll welcome children in my casino as soon as they legalize blackjack for eight-year-olds."

"We charge extra if you have more than two people in a suite. What does that tell you?"

On the record, they say they'll do everything possible to make Las Vegas a satisfying family destination for those who choose to travel with their loved ones.

"Look, the average age of our customer is 49," says Glenn Schaefer, president of Mandalay Bay Group and the man directly responsible for 27,000 rooms and five casinos on the Strip. Schaefer is an intense guy who shoots out demographic statistics machine-gun style, barely pausing to breathe.

"So we market to the baby boomers. The fastest growing expenditure for people 45 to 60 is entertainment. These people have the most discretionary income. Perhaps 50 per cent of all casino income is from this group. We had a record year for visitor counts: 37 million on the Strip. It's the leading tourist destination in the world! But 26 per cent of those people were here for the first time. Well, if they were devoted gamblers, they would have always been here. So what made them suddenly come this year? I think it's that we're offering them a sense of youth. Being with it, being happening. You're in a place that's hip, happening, fun. A place that makes you feel that, even if you are middle-aged, you've still got it."

In other words, a place where people want to be kids, not supervise them. Quite a statement from the man who manages Circus Circus, Excalibur and Luxor, all of which have a reputation for being kid-friendly. Circus Circus is actually the original property from which all the other Mandalay Bay casinos grew, and it's widely perceived as being a place suitable for children because of its non-stop circus acts in the gambling areas.

In fact, Circus Circus was conceived by Jay Sarno in 1968 as more of an adult carnival, the naughty side of the midway, and one of its most popular attractions for years was the "Bed Toss," in which two heartily-endowed German girls would sleep on a bed until someone hit a target over their heads. The target would trigger a mechanism that hurled them out of the bed, and they would proceed to dance topless around the lucky winner.

Years later, after millions of moms saw the word "circus" on the sign and ventured inside with children in tow, the sleazy- carnival theme has vanished and it now is the place in town most amenable to big families. It's also considered Mandalay Bay's "lowest-end" property.

"The original intention at Circus Circus was not to get kids, but to get low-rollers," says Alan Feldman, the portly and mustachioed spokesman for the 16 Mirage/MGM properties. "There was no kids' places here before the nineties. The first thing built for children was the theme park at the MGM Grand, which opened in 1994. That was really the only thing for families to do here. But it created an unspeakable crush of news attention. It even became a joke within the p.r. department. 'Hey, Alan, The Denver Post is coming to town to do a piece. Guess what the piece is on.' And we would say in unison, 'Las Vegas As A Family Destination!' Well, Las Vegas is not a family destination. Zion National Park--that is a family destination.

"When I was growing up, this was no place for kids and they let you know that. They treated you meanly and rudely if you were a kid. The line-level personnel told you where you could or could not stand in the casino. Now Las Vegas has become a little friendler. We're more politically correct, but we're not doing anything to encourage children in Las Vegas."

"That whole kids-in-Vegas thing," says Rob Goldstein at The Venetian. "Wasn't that over in about five minutes? Why are people so interested in that?"

And the famous MGM Grand Adventures Theme Park? It was announced with great fanfare but ended up being only 18 acres (one-sixth the size of the Magic Kingdom), with only eight rides (cut to four after three years of operation), and was sneered at by theme-park enthusiasts as "Six Flags Over UNLV." When I went there 18 months ago to experience the wild jungle stream adventure thrill ride, featuring the stretch in which you could wave to apartment-dwellers on their concrete balconies on Koval Lane, I was turned away by a cryptic sign: "The Theme Park Is Closed."

When I asked Alan Feldman about it, his answer was, "Officially, I'm supposed to say that it might reopen in the spring."

You kids go on home now. It's getting dark.

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