Joe Bob's America

Will Eat for Food

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

Some buddies of mine over in East Dallas have been taking in homeless people during the last year. They had this idea that if they started saying, "Hey, bud, come on in and sleep in the house," that other people would notice and start doing the same thing.

Cause let's face it, the government hasn't done diddly squat. The churches haven't done doo-doo. We've had nineteen bajillion TV fundraisers, benefit concerts and now social media campaigns, yet we've got more homeless people than when we started.

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Write Everyday

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

A few presidents ago, people started asking me how to write. Friends, mostly.

"Say Joe Bob, I've got this great idea for a book. All I need to know is how to get it in shape."

Or "I'm planning to be a writer. Do you have any advice on where I could start out?"

Or sometimes I would get invitations to speak at writers conferences or journalism conventions or university seminars on weighty topics like "The Modern Humorous Essay." And I would go to cocktail parties where bitter white wine was served in plastic glasses by women with two last names. And, for a while, when I first got these invitations, I would actually accept them and go spend a day spouting off about this thing and that thing and the other thing. And people would TAKE NOTES on the stuff I was saying. And when aspiring writers wrote me letters, I would write them back, volunteering suggestions on how to write and when to write and so on and so forth. And the aspiring writers would write me back, so GRATEFUL for what I had told them.

And then, one day, I realized . . .

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Why does God love Tim Tebow but hate the Broncos?

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

Have you noticed how much time God has been spending on home runs and slam-dunks lately? This winter I think God scored half the touchdowns in the NFL. I've never seen so many wide receivers crossing themselves in the end zone and giving thanks for those six points.

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The Weight of Walmart Rests on All our Heads

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

In 2011 Wally World officially become the largest grocery store in the good ole US of A and the largest retailer in the world, second to none. 

If I think too much about all of those Chinese factories where all the stuff in a Wal-Mart is made, I get that woozy feeling you get when you see ducks covered in crude oil.

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Crazy is Relative

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

There's this fruitcake professor at the City University of New York named Leonard Jeffries,

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Fancy Feast

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

Ever talk to one of these mush-head cat owners who has too much time on his hands

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Small Time Cheats

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

I just heard the worst thing, but before I tell it to you, I want you to know that it's not like I haven't seen BAD stuff in my life.

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Good Impressions

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

Supposedly, when you go down to Wal-Mart to interview for a job stacking giant boxes of VCR's on a 12-foot-high shelf,

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Absolutely Maybe

WRITING - Joe Bob's America

How to beat a murder rap:

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