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ROT: Reunion of Terror (2009)

REVIEWS - Movie Reviews


Ever since "Carrie" in 1976, people SHOULD realize that one thing you never ever do in high school is screw with a nerd. Cause you know what happens, right? It might be that year, and it might be ten years later, when your victim invites you to a reunion, but sooner or later somebody is gonna get axed.

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Which is what we have here: five former high school friends are invited to a get together, and none of them find it STRANGE that the reunion is at an isolated cabin in the middle of the woods. Although we don't have the standard 'torment the nerd' flashback, so I guess they don't realize they need killing. Anyway, pretty soon they’re running around, screaming and dying, until the killer explains WHY they have to scream and die. I’m telling you, stay away from high school reunions, especially the ones that insist on name tags.



Anyway, we have nine bodies. Eight breasts. One bimbo footrace, with bouncing boyshorts. High school yearbook decoupage. One lesbo campout. Lesbo liplock. Sapphic aardvarking. One bear trap. One tiger trap. Box hurling. One dead wolf. One honey of a hitchhiker who’s completely necessary to the plot. One nip slip. Panty-sniffing. Neck-biting. Chair-leg impalement. Cast-member pummeling. Knife to the neck. Corkscrew to the neck. Knife in the back. Head to the tree trunk. Gratuitous lesbo liplock flashback. Gratuitous reminiscing. Tent spike-and-hammer Fu. Tree-limb Fu. Revolver Fu.

... Amanda the former Prom Queen, We have a lot of touching to catch up on ...

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Jessie Hail as Kim the lesbo bimbo, for saying, “Don’t be such a scaredy-cat;” Nikie Zambo as Karen, the other lesbo bimbo, for saying, “I have an idea. T-shirt and undies only.”; Monique Barajas as Amanda the former Prom Queen, for saying, “We have a lot of touching to catch up on.”; Nori Jill Phillips as Michelle, who rolls her eyes a lot and says, “You wouldn’t know the meaning of the word uptight since you screwed the entire football team.”; L.J. Green as Tyrone, who takes a lot of bathroom breaks and says, “That’s a whole lotta ugly right there.”; Hallie Bird as Celia the hitchhiker, for wearing Daisy Dukes with cowboy boots and for saying, “I came back to the truck to get my tampons, not to pull out my knife and slash your tires.”; John Shumski as Game Warden Fitzpatrick, for saying, “I don’t want your crack pipes and your burning wacky weed settin’ fire to these parts.”; and Christian Anderson as Jimmy the Final…Boy (?!), for saying, “What is this? What did you do?”

Two stars.



Joe Bob says check it out.