It's the old story of the sweet young thang who takes a job as a housekeeper in a house that can't be kept, except this time the supposedly creepy dwelling is actually bright and cheerful, if you don't count the decayed corpses that occasionally skulk around.
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Oh, and the owner of the house endlessly obsesses over Chinese Ghost Month while she invents arbitrary rules about whistling and turning around if you hear your name called. (Buddha help you if you turn around while whistling.)
Five bodies. No breasts. Cell-phone flinging. Gate opening without anyone touching it. Chopsticks lesson. Multiple significant stares. Gratutious feng-shui explanation. One psycho-obsessed ex-boyfriend. Mysterious Chinese Ghost Month rites. Octoplasm. Ghostly ankle-grabbing. Unexpected decayed corpse. One mysterious room. One ghost-catcher poster. One nosy neighbor. Spit take. Ghostly key-grabbing. Excellent crawling creepy thing. Strangulation. Smothering. Butcher-knife Fu. Hair Fu. Catfight. Dragon statue Fu. Cask of Amontillado revenge. Attempted Romeo and Juliet. Door slamming without anyone touching it.
Worst ice cream headache. Ever
Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Marina Rey, as Alyssa the wide-eyed housekeeper, for saying, "So you're a single, part-time writer, a vet, and you like to raise horses on your estate. Are you gay?"; Jerrod Edington as Jacob the psycho boyfriend, for saying, "You're just a f---ing whore like my mother!"; Rick Irvin as Blake the nosy neighbor, for saying, "That crazy bitch think she owns most of the mountain"; and Shirley To as Miss Wu, for burning a truckload of incense and shrieking, "Luck is not by chance! There is structure to it!"
2 1/2 stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
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