Yes, it's time for yet ANOTHER "Alien" rip-off here on "MonsterVision." How many of these have we had? Sixty-seven?
I'm Joe Bob Briggs, TNT's resident April Fool, and tonight, Corey Feldman joins a fraternity that has some interesting hazing traditions, in "Voodoo."
All right, we're half-way through the year 2000, and still no Y2K problems, right? Remember when nothing happened on New Year's Eve, and all the survival nuts said, "Well, the viruses are just DELAYED, that's all."
Merry Christmas! Joe Bob Briggs, your Hollywood movie expert, and would somebody please play "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" one more time? The Mel Torme version?
"Okay, I wanna let you know that we HAVE been listening to your requests for a Mark Hamill double-feature, as evidenced by next week's flicks: "The Guyver," where Mark turns into a big cockroach, and "Time Runner," where Mark REALLY wishes he'd sent George Lucas a nicer gift after they made "Star Wars." Now, who here watched "Twin Peaks" when it was on?
Let's watch "Trading Places," the comedy classic from 1983 about two rich guys in Philadelphia that make a bet they can change a street criminal into a rich powerful guy who votes for Reagan, and they an turn a Yuppie executive
Remember when the war with IRAQ was starting up? And all the guys over at CNN were saying, "Ooooooo, Saddam Hussein has Russian-made MIG fighter planes," and "Oooooooo, Saddam Hussein has these CRACK fighting troops, the Republican Guard," and "Ooooooooooo, it could take YEARS to win a desert war" -- and then, one week later, it was, like, "Well, yes, we ARE leading 89 to nothing at halftime, but he MIGHT make a comeback."
I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and I'm sure you guys noticed that since I moved to El Lay, I decided it was time to update my personal ad. First I tried my usual flat-out lies: "Michael Bolton-lover likes trips to the botanical gardens, wine coolers and long phone conversations about what your cat did this morning. Looks not important, but a wise, commitment-minded soul is. Please be serious about tofu."
"Now it's time for Mark Hamill flick number two: "Time Runner." This is one of those time-travel dealies where the world is about to be destroyed by aliens in the year 2022, but an astronaut, played by Luke Skywalker himself, goes through a "vortex wormhole"--don't ask, okay--he goes through this "vortex wormhole" and lands on a farm in the year 1992, which happens to be the year the movie was made. For some reason guys from the future always land on farms.
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