JOE BOB'S AMERICA
"I'll say this much (about Ivana): I wouldn't bet against her." --Donald Trump, "The Art of the Deal"
This week everybody wants to dump on Trump. Donald is trying to get out of this marriage for a measly 20 million bucks.
Things people say to you when you're going on "The Tonight Show":
"Are you nervous?"
"Will you make a special signal for me?"
All the newspapers in Bogota, Colombia, had big headlines and editorials last week about the Dee Cee mayor getting arrested for being a coke-head. They were even gloating about it. "You can't pin THIS one on us," they were saying. "The number one guy in the capital of America was buying Colombian farm products. Try to tell us THIS guy is a victim."
I can't get Jessica Hahn out of my mind. I'm trying. I keep saying to myself, "Well, okay, that's it, she's gone, she's history, we won't be hearing about her again."
My Abdomenizer came in the mail so fast I didn't even have to wait four to six weeks. "It's here! It's here! The Abdomenizer is here!" I yelled out to Wanda Bodine.
A couple years ago this store called Bizmart opened down the street from my house. It's an office supply store the size of Argentina. Eighteen-foot-high metal shelves full of Sticky Notes.
Gross boxes of Flair pens. Thick forests of fluorescent desk lamps. Double-decker coffee makers for 70 people. It's kind of like going to a lumberyard in the slums, but without the glamor.
I didn't realize until this past year that I had a stunted, unhappy, unnatural childhood development. My mama WORKED all the time.
Of course, we didn't know you weren't supposed to do this.
My Mastercard bill came in with $367 worth of charges from the Love Line 900 number, and I'm furious. There's so many irresponsible people in this world, they can't even keep simple phone records correctly. I know I didn't spend more than 250, 260 last month on the Love Line.
What if a white man--let's say a professor of anthropology at Kansas State University--discovered an Indian culture in Utica, Michigan, that had NEVER BEEN STUDIED? Let's say the name of this tribe was the Helioscrotum Indians, and there had never been a book about the Helioscrotums. There had never been a study of their body-painting rituals.
Page 1 of 19
