Frozen (2010)

REVIEWS - Movie Reviews

Three twenty-something geeks who left their thermal underwear in the fondue fern bar decide they just have to go up the ski lift one more time before the mountain closes for the night, placing their lives in the hands of the equally gray-matter-deprived chair-lift operators,

who manage to forget anyone’s up there right before everybody goes home for the week, stranding the idiots waaaay high up in the chairlift.

Watch the Trailer for "Frozen"

Now you may be saying: Okay, that sucks, but it's not exactly the Donner Party. What you don't realize is the lack of cumulative IQ points at play here: It doesn’t occur to them to pull their exposed faces inside their coats to keep from getting frostbite. One of these brain surgeons never even puts his hood up the entire time. Then, in between dyin in painful ways, they talk, which is even more nauseating. Still, when they are tryin to save their pathetic little Aspen-loving selves and failin miserably, it’s pretty entertaining.

Two dead bodies. No breasts (sub-zero temperatures). Five beasts. One implied snowboard chase down the mountain. Ski-lift bickering. Broken ski-lift foreshadowing. Animal attack foreshadowing. Ski-lift peeing. Frozen skin peeling. Inevitable loss of bladder control. One painfully slow crawl down the mountain. Hand rolls. Gratuitous skiing/snowboarding montage. Gratuitous self-reflective, touching dialogue. Ice Storm Fu. Frostbite Fu. Compound Fracture Fu. Wolf Pack Fu.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Emma Bell, as the third-wheel girlfriend Parker, for pointing out “Then why are the lights out, Dan?” after the ski lift grinds to a halt; Shawn Ashmore as Lynch, for saying, “This is so messed up”; and Kevin Zegers as Dan, for trying to calm his girlfriend Parker down by saying, “You acting all psycho is not going to make the chair move along!”

It's no "Ski Patrol," but . . . Three stars.

Joe Bob says check it out.


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