Trading Places (1983)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Let's watch "Trading Places," the comedy classic from 1983 about two rich guys in Philadelphia that make a bet they can change a street criminal into a rich powerful guy who votes for Reagan, and they an turn a Yuppie executive

Read more: Trading Places (1983)


Top Gun (1986)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Remember when the war with IRAQ was starting up? And all the guys over at CNN were saying, "Ooooooo, Saddam Hussein has Russian-made MIG fighter planes," and "Oooooooo, Saddam Hussein has these CRACK fighting troops, the Republican Guard," and "Ooooooooooo, it could take YEARS to win a desert war" -- and then, one week later, it was, like, "Well, yes, we ARE leading 89 to nothing at halftime, but he MIGHT make a comeback."

Read more: Top Gun (1986)


Tootsie (1982)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and I'm sure you guys noticed that since I moved to El Lay, I decided it was time to update my personal ad. First I tried my usual flat-out lies: "Michael Bolton-lover likes trips to the botanical gardens, wine coolers and long phone conversations about what your cat did this morning. Looks not important, but a wise, commitment-minded soul is. Please be serious about tofu."

Read more: Tootsie (1982)


Time Runner (1993)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Now it's time for Mark Hamill flick number two: "Time Runner." This is one of those time-travel dealies where the world is about to be destroyed by aliens in the year 2022, but an astronaut, played by Luke Skywalker himself, goes through a "vortex wormhole"--don't ask, okay--he goes through this "vortex wormhole" and lands on a farm in the year 1992, which happens to be the year the movie was made. For some reason guys from the future always land on farms.

Read more: Time Runner (1993)


Time After Time (1979)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Okay, I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and speaking of kinky, what if you fell in love with a guy, slept with him, and then found out he was H.G. Wells and he traveled to your apartment in a time machine. Sure, we've seen the story before, but have we seen it with Malcolm McDowell wearing a tweed suit the entire movie? I think not.

Read more: Time After Time (1979)


Theodore Rex (1995)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

An eight-foot tall walking talking cookie-eating dinosaur becomes a cop in L.A. But it’s a buddie picture, and the buddie is Whoopie Goldberg. It’s Lethal Weapon for children, with a Barney The Dinosaur theme going on.

Read more: Theodore Rex (1995)


Swamp Thing (1982)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Moving on now, with a favorite of mine--"Swamp Thing." I wanna read you this letter I got back when "Swamp Thing" first came out, February 4, 1982, this is funny. It says, "'Swamp Thing' is NOT a horror film.

Read more: Swamp Thing (1982)


Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan (1982)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Joe Bob Briggs here, and we're having a "Star Trek" convention tonight.

We'll start it off with the Ricardo Montalban classic, "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Mr. Roarke"--I mean "The Wrath of Khan"--and finish up with a little change of pace for "MonsterVision": two classic "Outer Limits" episodes, one with William Shatner, and one with Leonard Nimoy.

Read more: Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan (1982)


Spaceballs (1987)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Joe Bob Briggs here, and what could be more appropriate on Martin Luther King's birthday than a Mel Brooks movie. The man who put the black sheriff in "Blazing Saddles." Yes, we're continuing our "We love Mel Brooks, no matter how many toilet jokes he does" Festival, with this month's Mel Brooks flick, "Spaceballs."

Read more: Spaceballs (1987)


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