House 4 (1988)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and we've got the disgusting "House IV" coming up. And since it's officially Valentine's Day for movie numero two-o, we have the sensitive romantic tale "Hidden II," about an alien cop who drags his love-interest around while he chases an alien criminal around a disco.

Read more: House 4 (1988)


Highlander (1986)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Okay, Christopher Lambert is about to wander around for 450 years or so changing nothing but his name and his haircut in the 1986 cult classic "Highlander." It also stars Sean Connery as an even older guy who teaches Lambert how to keep his head on. Literally.

Read more: Highlander (1986)


Hidden 2 (1993)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Now it's time for "Hidden II," about a bad-guy alien who likes to party in a BIG way, and a good-guy alien who's afraid of having too much sex, and the blonde chiquita who makes him makes him say aw what the heck.

Read more: Hidden 2 (1993)


Hercules and the Amazon Women (1994)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Joe Bob Briggs, with a special welcome to all the "Hercules" and "Xena" RAVING FANATICS who have tuned in to see the ORIGINAL Kevin Sorbo "Hercules" movie, the one they based the hit TV show on, with Lucy Lawless in her first "Hercules" appearance. It's "Hercules and the Amazon Women."

Read more: Hercules and the Amazon Women (1994)


The Guyver (1991)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Hey, Joe Bob Briggs, and throw your remote away, cause do we have a treat for you tonight. Not one, but TWO Mark Hamill movies.

Yes, indeed, it's mutant fist-fights galore in "The Guyver," followed by the 1993 Canadian "Terminator" rip-off, "Time Runner."

Read more: The Guyver (1991)


Gremlins (1984)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Ho ho ho, I'm Joe Bob Briggs and welcome to the First Annual Joe Bob Briggs Family Christmas Special! The reunion will start shortly, but first lemme tell you that tonight we have the only Christmas movie where a pet explodes in a microwave. I'm talking, of course, about "Gremlins."

Read more: Gremlins (1984)


Ghoulies 2 (1988)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Now. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the bathroom.

That was the tagline on the poster for "Ghoulies II," with another shot of em coming out of the toilet.

Read more: Ghoulies 2 (1988)


Ghoulies (1985)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"How many pairs of black pantyhose do you think they use up during a performance of "Riverdance"?

I wanna be the guy who sells black pantyhose to "Riverdance." Even when they wear WHITE dresses, they wear black pantyhose.

Read more: Ghoulies (1985)


Future Hunters (1986)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and tonight on "MonsterVision" we've got one of the finest futuristic post-holocaust kung-fu road movies with sledgehammer-carrying midgets ever filmed in the Philippines.

Read more: Future Hunters (1986)


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