Raising Cain (1992)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and I've already forgotten what toys I got yesterday, haven't you, but that doesn't matter, because tonight we have back-to-back Brian DePalma and Wes Craven. Nothing like John Lithgow with multiple personalities to give you the willies in "Raising Cain," followed by the socially-redeeming child-abuse classic "People Under the Stairs."

Read more: Raising Cain (1992)


Project Metalbeast (1995)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Hey, Joe Bob Briggs, and tonight we have the movie that catapulted "Spin City's" Barry Bostwick and the gorgeous Kim Delaney from "NYPD Blue" into television stardom. I'm talking about, of course -- the actor's dream -- "Project Metalbeast."

Read more: Project Metalbeast (1995)


Poltergeist (1982)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Okay, it IS Easter now, so it's time to start the 1982 Tobe Hooper horror classic, "Poltergeist," where, just like the J-man, the dead are restless. And you know what? I hadn't watched this flick in a long time, and I personally don't think it's that scary anymore.

Read more: Poltergeist (1982)


Play Misty for Me (1971)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"And the movie ends with yet another "Road Warrior" rip-off--Max leads his pilgrims to safety and remains in the wilds, the warrior used and discarded by the forces of progress. And we get to see that crazy Austrileyan girl "do the tell" again in a bombed out highscraper.

Read more: Play Misty for Me (1971)


Planet of the Apes (1968)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Joe Bob Briggs brings you only the best, and tonight we have the film that spawned four sequels, two TV shows, a comic book, and an X-rated sadomasochistic CD-ROM starring Ron Jeremy and Marilyn Chambers. I'm speaking, of course, of "Planet of the Apes," which -- what? Ooooh, that was "Janet of the Apes."

Read more: Planet of the Apes (1968)


Phantasm 2 (1988)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and I've watched about 90 hours of basketball this week, but I'm taking a break for yellow goo gallore in the eighties horror classic "Phantasm II." And then we'll dip back ten years further for the great DePalma flick, "The Fury."

Read more: Phantasm 2 (1988)


Pet Shop (1995)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Next up IS something new for "MonsterVision." "Pet Shop," the 1994 gem--and I use the term loosely--about a couple of aliens who land in the Arizona burbs, dress up like Roy Rogers and Dale Evans and give a bunch of outer-space animals to some kids who are almost as weird as they are. Directed by the gal who's only other credit is "Howling VI."

Read more: Pet Shop (1995)


One Million Years BC (1966)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"One million years ago, a cavebunny in a fur bikini invented mascara and changed human history forever, and I, Joe Bob Briggs, will bring you that story tonight with our first "MonsterVision" feature, the great "One Million Years B.C.," which had its world premiere in 1966 at the late great Gemini Drive-In in Dallas, and we're gonna follow that up with yet another classic of primitive urges, "King Kong Lives," the Linda Hamilton sequel about giant monkey sex.

Read more: One Million Years BC (1966)


Nightbreed (1990)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Okay, it's time for "Nightbreed," the first affirmative- action horror flick, with over 200 mucus mummies, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the old McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off-- and these are the people we're supposed to LIKE.

Read more: Nightbreed (1990)


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