Somewhere in Time (1980)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Okay. [sighing] Well. I guess we have to suck it up and do this. Our movie tonight is . . . "Somewhere in Time." DON'T throw anything at me, okay?

Read more: Somewhere in Time (1980)


Sleepstalker (1995)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Anyhow, speaking of ideas that sound great in theory, this horror flick we have coming up right now is called "Sleepstalker: The Sandman's Last Rites," where they were trying to create a Freddy Krueger guy called "The Sandman"--woooooooo! But they hired some French intellectuals to direct it or something--I don't quite get it.

Read more: Sleepstalker (1995)


Skeeter (1993)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

As you know, we here at "MonsterVision" LOVE Dead Cow movies, and tonight we have one of the classics -- "Skeeter," the sensitive tale of giant mosquitoes that live in an underground mine and dive-bomb cattle and tourists and eat their faces off so that an evil developer can buy cheap land. Sure we've seen it before, but have we seen it with the great Charles Napier as the sheriff? I think not.

Read more: Skeeter (1993)


Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and it's Spring, time for all the big-haired mamas to polish up those white pumps and hike up those Hanes sheer-top pantyhose. Tonight we've got "Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger," in which John Wayne's son fights all kinds of Gumby monsters, and "Clash of the Titans," where Harry Hamlin fights all kinds of Gumby monsters.

Read more: Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977)


The Silencers (1996)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Okay, "The Silencers." This movie was made in 1996, and I think it's gone pretty much straight to TNT. It's the story of a group of aliens walkin around scarin people with their black eyeballs--or no eyeballs, it's kinda hard to tell--and makin threats and killing government officials till Dennis Christopher shows up in a giant oyster to shoot em up and teach little boys how to play nicely.

Read more: The Silencers (1996)


The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and now we've got one of the all-time most requested Wes Craven flicks. People ask me about this movie soooooo much. I'm sitting there trying to have my chicken fried steak and they'll say, "Joe Bob, how bout that thing 'Serpent and the Rainbow,' you know that voodoo thang?"

Read more: The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988)


Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

"Attend and listen gentlemen
that be of freeborn blood
I shall tell you of a good yeman
His name was Robyn Hode."

Read more: Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)


Return of the Living Dead (1985)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Now that I'm a country music singin celebrity, I thought it was about time to install a modern stereo system in my metallic-blue 73 Toronado, and so I went to Radio Shack and bought four of the biggest Tune Master speakers they had.

Read more: Return of the Living Dead (1985)


Replikator (1994)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Joe Bob Briggs, and we have the third and final in a series of low-budget sci-fi rip-off classics. Tonight: "Replikator," where a scientist and his ex-girlfriend fight off both his evil clone AND a guy who wants to create a super-human race and take over the world.

Read more: Replikator (1994)


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