Crazy is Relative

WRITING - Joe Bob's America


There's this fruitcake professor at the City University of New York named Leonard Jeffries,

and evidently Leonard's elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Or, as we used to say in my hometown of Grapevine, Texas, out where Leonard lives, the bus doesn't stop anymore.

Leonard makes speeches all over creation about how all the Egyptian pharoahs were really black-skinned, but an international conspiracy of rich Jews and conniving white-skinned Norwegians and Swedes and Danes and Dutchmen COVERED UP this information and kept it secret for 5,000 years--until Leonard got appointed chairman of the City College Afro-American Studies Department, and HE told the world about it.

Leonard also makes speeches about how black people are superior to all other races, because they have more "melanin," the substance that makes their skin black and also, by the way, makes them geniuses.

Leonard also believes that Jews and Italians have secret meetings in mid-town Manhattan where they decide exactly what movies and TV shows will be made, so they can include plenty of black stereotypes in there.

And, oh yeah, I almost forgot: The Jews used their money to bring all the slaves to America.

And, oh yeah, one MORE thing. All great works of European literature and art are not REALLY European at all. They were ideas stolen from black geniuses in Africa, but there was a conspiracy to make sure that nobody found out that . . . oh well, you get the general idea.

Leonard, as you've probly figured out by now, will not be campaigning for David Duke this year.

So anyhow, the press has started writing about Leonard, using words like "controversial," "inflammatory," "emotionally-charged," and the heat has been put on from within his university to try to remove him. So they've had meetings and hearings and press conferences and they've taken votes and there have been 19 jillion novel-length articles in various left-wing newspapers debating whether this is an issue of "academic freedom" or "free speech" or "cultural differences" or "the shortcomings of multi-cultural education."

I don't think so.

Lemme try to straighten this thing out for you guys all at once:

HE'S A DINGBAT!

Can you understand this? The man has "LOONY" stamped on his forehead like a neon sign in Times Square.

What's hard to believe is that people are actually trying to FIGURE OUT WHAT HE MEANS or--even more horrifying--TAKE IT SERIOUSLY! You might as well be trying to figure out why your car won't run after the engine falls out on the highway. This guy has already THROWN A ROD, DROPPED HIS TRANSMISSION, AND SPRUNG A LEAK IN HIS OIL PAN! Is this getting across?

And there are even people DEFENDING the guy, saying, "Well, if you truly understand where he's coming from, and what the basis for his research is, you might understand that, actually, seriously, there are three million Jews who at this very moment are trying to control your mind with crack and sell your sister into slavery."

These people are even LOONIER THAN LEONARD! Because they believe the same stuff, but they DIDN'T EVEN INVENT IT. At least, with Leonard, he might have a steel plate in his head that's being bombarded by electromagnetic waves--so it's not really his fault. But these DEFENDERS of what he's saying have such scrambled-eggs-for-brains that they believe it's REALLY TRUE.

Meanwhile, you have all these people running around New York City, trying to decide "the proper thing to do." Do you remove him from his job?

NO, YOU DON'T REMOVE HIM FROM HIS GOLDURN JOB!

America is the only country in the world where you're entitled to any opinion, no matter how idiotic. I think it's actually HEALTHY to have a crazy man in a high position at a university. It reminds everbody of just how accurate all that "research" is that pours out of jerkwater universities every day, inspiring articles in Newsweek on "the growing alienation of the minority underclasses."

We should just do the same thing we always do with the severely mentally disturbed. Humor him. Play dominoes with him. Keep him away from sharp objects. And, above all, make him always feel welcome, so his day will be filled up with activities. But, whatever you do, don't make Leonard any madder than he already is. I would hate for him to hurt himself.

Bless his heart.