"Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-In" for 5/29/02: "The Evilmaker"
By JOE BOB BRIGGS
Drive-In Movie Critic of Grapevine, Texas
The simple ones are always better.
All you need for a great horror flick are a house in the
woods, a monster and a girl.
In the case of John Bowker's ultra-low-budget "The
Evilmaker," we've got four girls--even better. I'm actually
surprised there aren't more terrified-girls-on-vacation-from-hell
movies. Usually, when the party animals go into the woods, they
go in pairs, a la "Friday the 13th" and "The Evil Dead." But
there's something about the GOOFINESS of four squealing girls in
the same house that makes for a supremely satisfying slasher.
I don't know what they're putting in the Oregon water--
besides spawning salmon--but this is about the fifth great
creepshow to come out of the Pacific Northwest lately, and the
Oregon woods are REAL woods, not like that scraggly stuff out of
Texas. The house they found looks like it's at the end of the
world, and even though the serial killer doesn't show his face
very often, Bowker manages to load us up with strobe effects,
supernatural possession, and one of those bass-opera-singer-in-a-
coffee-can voices to create the needed scarification.
What the story APPEARS to be is a group of girlfriends
driving to the coast on a mission to cheer up the recently
divorced slinky redhead Serena. But their car APPEARS to break
down, and they APPEAR to seek refuge in an unoccupied house at
the end of a dead-end road.
So far so good. What's REALLY happening is that . . . uh . .
. I'm not quite sure, but I know that somebody got killed with an
ax, rose from the dead in ghoul form, and his body parts got tied
up in a burlap bag and tossed into a tin drainage culvert that
just HAPPENS to be next door to the house where the girls are
guzzling bourbon and bump-dancing in the parlor.
There's also a high-pitched piercing sound that can send any
girl at any moment into the throes of agonized writhing on the
floor, followed by flashback sequences, descents into hell, and
supernatural transformations into breast-enhancing nightie wear.
The Grim Reaper shows up--I mean, LITERALLY, the Grim Reaper
shows up--and he's apparently a disembodied ghoul ax-murder
victim, complete with his own Ax of Vengeance. Then again, he
might just be a garden-variety ax murderer. I'm not too sure. All
I know is that you've got a WHOLE heck of a lot of screaming,
squealing, chasing, ax-grappling--have you ever noticed that an
ax is one of the LEAST efficient killing weapons, in spite of its
popularity?--and an all-round Bimbo-Splattering Jubilee.
Like I say, it's Oregon. And I don't mean wine-spritzer
Portland. We're talking Corvallis. Everybody dies at least once.
My kinda flick!
Let's take a look at those drive-in totals. We've got:
Eight dead bodies. Eleven breasts. Husband-chopping. One
suicide attempt. Supernatural headache attacks. Invisible face-
slapper. Two catfights, with hair-pulling. Close-up barfing.
Skeleton-in-the-mirror attack. Ax to the face. Strangulation.
Girlfriend-slicing. Extended chug-contest montage, to the tune of
"Our Love Is a No-Win Situation" by Roadkill. Gratuitous group
hug. Tarot-card Fu. Slamming-door Fu. Strobe Fu. Drive-In Academy
Award nominations for Stephanie Beaton, as the hot redhead Serena
who may or may not be an ax-murdering vixen, for screaming "You
hurt me! You deserved to die!"; Felicia Pandolfi, as the sharp-
tongued goth girl who says "There's death here! We've gotta
leave!"; Arlene Henry, as the romance-novel-loving amateur pole
dancer; Dori Schwartz, as the sandwich-scarfing whiskey-quaffing
refugee from an insane asylum who says "You must leave now! You
must face him in yor own world, on your own terms!"; and John
Bowker, the writer/producer/director, for doing things the drive-
in way.
Three stars. Joe Bob says check it out.
Website for "The Evilmaker": http://evilmaker.com.