Airhead party girls go rooting
around in the bushes in Mexico, trying to keep their clothes on
while Marjoe Gortner gets his body ripped into corned beef with
37 punji sticks through the privates and John Vernon walks around
saying "Kill another one so I can watch." It's the Mafia, Mexican
revolutionaries, cocaine dealers, fashion photographers, and
bimbos-on-holiday, featuring the torture of little kids (!) when
machine-gunners jump out of the woods, say stuff like "You are
peeg who sleeps with own seester!," and snap their necks like
Fudgsicles. Next thing you know, Marjoe comes through Mexican
customs with a bunch of designer luggage, 97 quaaludes and seven
fashion models who can't wait to get out in the jungle and
squeeze into their bikinis. But their seaplane gets shot down and
they have to make a crash landing that, oddly enough, looks
exactly like a regular landing, except after they land everyone
jumps out of the plane screaming "It's gonna blow!" The bimbos
are then forced to crawl through the trees with their high heels
and purses, escaping from some crocodiles that appear to be
sleeping, before being kidnapped by loony Mexican coke dealers
that put em in an armored school bus and take em to a village so
that Sybil Danning can put on some silk gowns and torture em. The
bimbos whine a lot while Sybil performs the cigarette-burn
torture, the sword-in-the-face torture, and the shut-up-you-
little-animal-before-I-slap-you-again torture. And then one of
the girls reveals that she's not REALLY a bimbo airhead fashion
model with platinum hair who can barely keep her boobs inside her
zip-up dress, she's ACTUALLY a federal agent who came down there
to pass out machine guns and help everybody shoot their way out
in the exploding bamboo paint-the-jungle-red finale. Six breasts.
Six pints blood. A 34 on the Vomit Meter. 66 dead bodies. Sybil
gets a full body massage and a grenade between the legs. Arrow
through the neck and stomach. Knife in back. Killer-snake attack.
Two motor vehicle chases, one with armored school bus crash-and-
burn. Kung Fu. Bimbo Fu. Copter Fu. Two heads roll. With Paul L.
Smith as the fat cocaine king, and Nina Van Pallandt.
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