Horrific beach party movie made 25
years after the original (yikes!) in which Frankie Avalon and
Annette Funicello spray-paint their hairdos, put on three million
bucks of pancake makeup, and, most frightening of all, do the
limbo. Frankie and Annette have been married for 25 years, with
Frankie running the largest Ford dealership in Ohio and Annette
mooning around the house all day eating peanut butter. They
decide to go visit their little dimple-face beach-bunny daughter,
who's hanging out on the exact same beach where Annette used to
pout a lot and do the pony and try to manipulate Frankie into
marrying her. Annette puts on a death-by-polka-dots swimsuit with
double-projectile ribbed bodice, reggaes around, and resumes
pouting. The suspense mounts as they discover their daughter is
living with a wimpola Southern California beach dumpling. Then
the creature from the gold neck-chain store starts putting the
moves on Annette. Then Connie Stevens runs up to Frankie and
demonstrates goldfish-feeding on his face, so Annette gets
p.o.ed. Then Frankie whips off his coat and goes shiny-pants
Sansabelt on us so he can allegedly sing a song. Then Gilligan
gets Frankie drunk. Then, with their marriage falling apart,
Annette goes over the edge. She holds a pajama party, puts on a
chartreuse teddy with fuzzies hanging off it, and does the bunny hop! One of the most frightening special effects ever seen on the
screen, and after that, nothing can ever make you barf again, not
even the cameo by O.J. Simpson. Zero breasts. (Wha'd you expect?)
Ten dead bodies, all of them in starring roles. Great fake surfer
footage. Mass barf-bag scene. Overweight Dick Dale and two of the
Del Tones. Gratuitous Mousketeers. Gratuitous "Wipe Out" drum
solo. Gratutious "Woolly Bully." Bunny Hop Fu. With Tommy Hinkley
as the boyfriend in a pink skin-tight wetsuit ("Trust me, it's a
little pick-me-up, Keith Richards lives on these"), Jerry
Mathers, Tony Dow, Don Adams, The Skipper, Demian Slade as the
obnoxious little 14-year-old kid who wears a chest tattoo called
"Bloody Surf Demon on the Beach of Despair," Fishbone as the
Jamaican mohawk sax player in a zoot suit. Connie has the best
line: "Honey, I'm an amusement park." Produced by Frank Mancuso,
Jr. Two stars (two off for not bringing back Rickles). 
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