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ATTACK OF THE 60-FOOT CENTERFOLD (From Joe Bob's Ultimate B Movie Guide) |
Erotic sci-fi epic
starring J.J. North as a ditzy blonde who takes just a few too
many breast-enhancement drugs and ends up stomping around Malibu
like the Godzilla Illustrated swimsuit issue. Magazine publishers
stick her in a freak-show tent to get the photos they need for a
six-crease fold-out, but that makes the other models jealous. One
steals her blue beauty vials and we end up with Duelling Bikini
Behemoths, terrorizing the population in downtown Hollywood as
they engage in a hair-pulling, traffic-stopping catfight.
Meanwhile, the inventor of the Hugeness Chemical tries to develop
an antidote by attempting to shrink his 8-foot lab rat by
spraying stage smoke on him. This gives us plenty of time for
scenes of the 60-foot J.J. trying to keep her halter top in place
and repeatedly failing to do so. By the master who brought us DINOSAUR
ISLAND, Fred Olen Ray. Two dead bodies. Twenty-five
breasts. One giant rat. Giant dart to the back. Exploding rat.
Exploding supporting cast. Gratuitous chainsaw attack. With Tammy
Parks as the bitchy redhead ("Have you looked in the mirror
lately? How old are you--thirty? Are your breasts getting
smaller?"), George Stover as the lab assistant ("Oh my God, what
have we done?"), Michelle Bauer as the trigger-happy lab
assistant, Jay Richardson as the sleazoid magazine publisher
("You're gonna be bigger than Elvis"), G. Gordon Baer as the
beefy cigar-chomping ratskin-boot-wearing exterminator, Tim Abell
as the photographer who just can't bring himself to have sex with
a 60-foot woman, Ted Monte as the geeky photographer's assistant
who orders 250 Fatburgers and brings them to J.J. in a
wheelbarrow, Raelynn Saalman as the slinky suntanning Playmate
who will do anything to be famous. J.J. North has all the best
lines, including "Help me, I'm huge!" and "I'm a big girl--I can
take care of myself."
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© 2000 Joe Bob Briggs All Rights Reserved.