Charles Bronson is a Secret Service
man who draws "One Mama" duty--guarding the First Lady--on
inauguration day and ends up begging to be let off even if it
means letting Nancy Reagan stand on his elbows in spiked high
heels, which is the way Ronnie liked it. The First Lady is played
by Bronson's real-life spouse, Jill Ireland, and they don't like
each other, but somebody is trying to kill her. First a biker
tries to rifle her in the bubbletop, but Bronson kicks her into
the floorboard and sits on her. Then they blow up her yacht in
Long Beach, but Bronson wrestler her to the carpet, climbs on top
of her, and bear-hugs her to safety. Then they try to bazooka her
copter with a heat-seeking bottle rocket, but Bronson sniffs em
out with a sweat detector and blows up a dairy barn. Then Jill
decides to run away to the Gettysburg battlefield for safety, so
Bronson follows her, gets to see her in her underwear, and
machine-guns the geek from "Midnight Express." Then they can't
decide whether to take Greyhound or buy a couple Harleys, so a
terrorist named Reno makes up their mind for em by chasing em in
a brand-new pickup until he crashes into a river and forces em to
buy a really bad sixties dune buggy from an Indian. Then the
terrorists make their big mistake: they try to destroy Daddy's
house at Tahoe. There are some things Big Chuck just can't
forgive. Seven dead humans. One dead reporter. Two quarts blood.
Exploding cycle, yacht, speedboat, pickup. Gratuitous Kokomo,
Indiana. Motorcade Fu. Amtrak Fu. With Michael Ansara, Jan Gan
Boyd as Bronson's wise-cracking sidekick ("Are your salmon
swimming upstream?").
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