Teen Meat Weekend begins when a
bunch of extremely talented soap-opera actors are invited to an
island so that Deborah Foreman can stand around screwing up her
face and making em disappear one by one. She dresses up a bunch
of Barbie and Ken dolls to resemble the cast, then cuts off their
hands, pours ketchup on em, and dumps em in a bowl of Liquid
Drano, but no one thinks this is strange because all the actors
already look like mutilated Barbie and Ken dolls. We get whoopie-
cushion jokes, dribble-glass jokes, exploding cigars, trick
faucets, and--the biggest groaner of all--gratuitous Griffin
O'Neal. The dramatic highlight occurs when we almost get to see
Deborah Goodrich's garbonzas while she's making the sign of the
quadruple-gilled attack weasel with Clayton Rohner, but the final
breast count is zero. Two quarts blood. Nine dead bodies, sort
of. Three heads roll, sort of. Monster-in-the-box. Knife in
stomach. Teenage face-crushing. Jungle snake attack. Hanging.
Produced by Frank Mancuso Jr., who rocketed to the top of his
profession at age 27 without even mentioning to anybody that his
daddy, Frank Mancuso Sr., was chairman and chief executive
officer of Paramount. Directed by Fred Walton, of "When A
Stranger Calls" fame. 
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