Here's what happens when one
actress (Charlie Spradling) refuses to do her kung-fu-in-the-nude
scene and has to be replaced by another actress (Maria Ford)
without losing the footage already shot. You end up with the
story of a gorgeous private detective (Spradling) who lives in
the Philippines and is used by the Filipino police to solve
crimes all the time, only she gets killed by a sadistic serial
killer and ex-mercenary who likes to dress up women in bridal
gowns and then slit their throats, but as soon as this happens,
the private detective's gorgeous stepsister (Ford) shows up in
the Philippines and takes over the cast, which is convenient
because she's been sleeping with the dead sister's ex-boyfriend,
who is a Filipino cop, who helps his girlfriend figure out that
the crew-cutted kung-fu serial killer is about to go after the
gorgeous lesbian performance artist Delilah, and so the
stepsister signs on as the personal bodyguard to Delilah and her
lesbian lover Reena, but Delilah's creepy boyfriend keeps
bothering everyone because he's been ordered by a mobster and
recording industry investor to force Delilah to change her act so
the mobster can recover his $2 million investment, only after a
while he decides to just murder her and get $1.5 million for the
insurance policy he has on her, only meanwhile the serial killer
is wasting hookers all over town and closing in on Delilah, and
the stepsister starts kung-fuing everyone in sight until the big
final scene in the Manila shipyards where the killer has Delilah
tied up and he's gonna try to marry her and then slit her throat.
(Deep breath.) Fifty-eight dead bodies. Sixteen breasts. Through-
the-window plunge. Lesbo bondage lingerie musical night-club act.
One motor vehicle chase, with crash and burn, two fireballs.
Gratuitous music video. Eleven Kung Fu scenes. With Jessica Mark
as the airhead singer ("If this album hits, I'll drop him like a
greased pig"), Jimmy Broome as the guy who likes Filipino brides
but only after they're dead ("Remember me, Carl? You left me and
my men to die in Angola. I didn't like that."). Charlie has the
best line: "The broken nose is for the girl--the vasectomy's
free." Produced by Roger Corman, who came up with the stepsister
plot when Spradling refused to do a five-minute kung fu scene in
the nude, complete with scissor-kicks, causing Corman to put Ford
on the next plane to Manila.
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