Burt Young is replaced by . . . Tony
Roberts (!), on loan from the Woodman, in this borefest in which
Tony gets a great deal on the Amityville house, which doesn't
even look like the Amityville house anymore. Investigative
reporter Candy Clark (!!) takes photos inside the house during a
seance, and when she develops them a fat realtor has black zits
all over his face. She doesn't know what to make of it until Mr.
Century 21 returns to the house and gets his face eaten off by
flies. Meanwhile, the elevator is acting up, and Tess Harper, as
Tony's wife, gets trapped in a room and white smoke blows all
over her face and so she decides to get a wimp scientist to help
her. Boring ghost stuff ensues, followed by a Candy Clark
collision with a truck that rams a pole through her and turns her
body extra-crispy. Four teen porkchops hanging around the
drugstore decide to check out The House, resulting in Lori
Loughlin becoming a zombie, setting us up for the paranormal
"Poltergeist"-ripoff exorcism sequence. After a lot of pink-smoke
leading victims to the basement toilet (!!!), a giant fire-
breathing green creature from the black lagoon rises up out of the toilet (!!!!) and sucks the scientist into eternity and
shakes the house apart and sets it on fire and glass flies all
around and they make like a bakery truck and haul buns but by
then everybody is dead. Four dead bodies. Produced by Dino de Laurentiis. Why, Dino, why?
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