Sports Illustrated swimsuit model
Kathy Ireland mucks around through caves with gunk on her face
and gets kidnapped by an army of Sears appliances in this fairly
decent sci-fi yarn about what would happen if the lost city of
Atlantis was really a spaceship full of aliens and it sank into
the ocean and then all the aliens went to the center of the earth
to live and they're still down there waiting for Kathy to fall
down a hole so they can chain her up and do disgusting things to
her. Add some "Blade Runner" rip-off effects, "Dune" rip-off
costumes, "Alice in Wonderland" rip-off plots, and gratuitous
mud-wrestling-to-the-death, and you have the first movie ever
made with spewing dry-ice in every scene. This was the first in a
series of one starring roles for Kathy, because she talks like
Marilyn Monroe after inhaling helium. Six dead bodies. No
breasts. (Shame on you, Kathy.) Two brawls. Troll mule. World's
worst tractor. Maggot Burger. Cast of fish-eye lens people from a
San Francisco Sadie Hawkins Day. Gratuitous troll leisure suit.
Bottomless Pit Fu. Frying Pan Fu. Repeated lead pipe Fu. "Wizard
of Oz" rip-off Fu. With Linda Kerridge as the slinky underground
ice-woman bar-maid sex goddess, William R. Moses as Gus the Miner
("I feel like a worm broker"), Janie du Plessis as the Acid Witch
Woman with a hypo, Deep Roy as Mambino the Gangster ("You look
like a troll, you dress like a worm, and you have a voice that
gives everyone a headache").
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