City-women-in-the-woods
flick, first popularized by I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE,
with not
quite enough grit to be the female "Deliverance" it aspires to.
Three girlfriends from Swiss boarding school decide to go camping
in Canadian wild-sheep country, where they're kidnapped by a
cock-eyed mountain main wearing a goat head and carted off to his
cave, where he'll decide later which one will become his "wife,"
if you know what I mean and I think you do. Two girls get away
through masterful striptease dancing, kickboxing, spear-chucking
and loud screaming, but the third girl kinda likes the weirdo.
She understands his pain. That sets the stage for gruff big-game
guide Dan Haggerty and and millionaire poacher Jan-Michael
Vincent to helicopter in for the big crossbow-wielding
endangered-species-defending finale involving a subplot about the
geek's long lost father. Four dead bodies. One dead moose. One
dead sheep. Six breasts. Stomach-gouging. One motor vehicle
chase. Spear through the shoulder. Deadly knife-flinging.
Crossbow to the chest. Cliff-plunging. Gratuitous aardvarking in
flashback. Five Kung Fu scenes, two with sharp sticks. Rifle-butt
Fu. With Debbie Rochon as the junk-food-eating redhead who
describes her old boyfriend by saying "I like animals," Jody
Andrews as the toothless old lady ("There's been hunters gone in
there, never been seen again"), Donna Jason as the kung-fu
survivalist macho woman ("You perverted worm!"), Raquel Bianca as
the European Walkman-loving brunette who thinks she might feel
better if she could find out her kidnapper's horoscope sign
("There's nothing wrong with you, Vern, you just need a friend"),
Lawrence King as the pelt-wearing wildman who dances around
screaming "You've got nice things! I like nice things!" 
|