ARCHIVE - 004
Joe
Bob,
What ever happened to Sybil Danning-the Rip Away Bra Queen?
Scott
Dear Scott,
That's sort of a mystery. The last Sybil Danning film I'm aware
of is "L.A. Bounty" (reviewed on my website). It was
supposed to be the first in a series of action films produced by
her own production company. But while training for the next one,
she fell practicing a stunt and injured her back. And I guess it
was bad enough to end her career. It's a total shame. About a
year ago she announced a website, but it never really had any
content. Maybe someone else will know.
Joe Bob
Hello Joe Bob,
Do you think people are malingering a bit on this TNT farewell?
Don't just burn that bridge, do a River Kwai number on those
turkeys.
But
in your chat, you said you had never seen the President's
Analyst. It was a 1960s movie with James Coburn. Do you
think you will see it and write a review on it?
Mike Hayne
Dear Mike,
Malingering? No way. You think I have any regrets about blowing
up that bridge? Hoo boy no way.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Is there any chance that you will be appearing in Las Vegas in
2000 or 2001? If so, please let me know where and when. I moved
to "Sin City" in December of 1999 and they have a lot
of crap here like "Footloose the Musical", "Siegfried
& Roy" etc. Okay, they have topless revues but nekkid
chicks can't make up for all of it(just my opinion after
all, I am a girl).
I say: "To hell with TNT!" - what's more their
wrestling show (WCW) absolutely SUCKS! They don't know a
good thing when it bites them on the ass.
Thank you for all the years of satire, witticism and all around
funny stuff. Hope to see & hear ya somewhere soon. Hope it's
a paying gig, too.
Yours Truly,
Amy Chronister
Las Vegas, NV
PS It's wonderful to know that you read AND answer your letters.
Thanks again.
Dear Amy,
Las Vegas is not real big on comedians right now. I do a sort of
theatrical "storytelling" type of show that plays best
in an auditorium-type environment. I probably wouldn't be right
for one of those casino comedy-club venues. Based on what I saw
there, they're going mostly for big extravagant special effects
shows.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob:
Some years back, your office contacted me for a copy of my
feature film, DELINQUENT, for review. As the movie was just a
babe, I thought I'd wait til it was steaming toward your readers.
That time has now come. DELINQUENT, which took its time as it 1)
sold on five continents 2) played theatrically in 11 states,
winning very good reviews 3) got a home video deal, and is coming
out in November via EI Independent Cinema.
Are you interested? If so, please tell me where to send it - I
presume the old address is truly old.
I'd really appreciate your taking a look and letting me have
whatever your guts put forth.
Yours,
Peter Hall
Dear Peter,
I'd be happy to take a look at the film, and none of my various
addresses ever go out of date. So send it on!
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Have you seen the movie entitled "Cemetary Man"? About
a guy who is the caretaker of the town graveyard; his last name
is, appropriately enough, DeLamorte or Delamorte. It's been 4
years or so since I last saw this one so I don't recall the
director, actors, etc. I just remember that I liked it, I liked
it a lot. I haven't been able to locate it since. Hope you can
help.
Thanks,
Amy Chronister
Las Vegas, NV
Dear Amy,
"Cemetery Man" is a minor cult favorite and widely
available on video, so I'm stumped as to why you can't find it.
Maybe you need to go to a specialty video store.
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
My summer vacation this year was a week at the beach(front condo)
in San Diego. Made up my mind two years ago that I'm going to buy
a house overlooking the water there someday.
Took my girls to the Hotel del Coronado, because the movie
"Some Like it Hot" was filmed there and we wanted to
see it. While downstairs in the gift shop, the quest was for some
kind of memerobilia from the making of the movie, of which there
was none to speak. There *were*, however, souvenirs
(videocassettes, etc.) of the movie, "Somewhere in
Time" (one of your "favorites", ha!). Wait a
minute, this does not compute -- I know that movie was set at
"The Grand Hotel", and it was by a lake, not the ocean.
A mystery...
When I got home, I scrutinized the credits (okay, okay... I own
the movie, it was a gift. It's the ultimate "chick
flick" because it is SO SAD and romantic). It
confirmed the location, and NO MENTION of the Hotel del Coronado.
Aha! Richard Matheson wrote the screenplay as well as the book,
different title ("Bid Time Return").
Side note: I realize YOU probably know all this and must have
mentioned it when you had the film on your show. Sorry,
professor, I fell asleep in class.
No problem, I told myself. I'll just check the book out of the
library and read it. Besides, they must have left something out
(like, did her manager know about the time travel, hence
predicting Richard's arrival?) Main library, looked it up and not
a single copy in the entire county. Called the bookstores and
"used" bookstores -- nobody's got a copy! I was tipped
to an online used book outlet (ABEbooks.com -- a goldmine!), and
found about a dozen copies, under BOTH titles (it was renamed
"Somewhere in Time" after the movie), and various
printings. I anxiously awaited my signed copy.
Devoured the book -- always better than the movie, just like they
say. The guy was *terminal* with a brain tumor, and a TV writer
from El Lay -- not a playrwright from Chicago! To "see the
world" before he died, he'd flipped a coin ("heads
north, tails south) and wound up in San Diego and then, tah dah!,
the Hotel del Coronado. Son of a gun...
Many details (major and minor) were changed in the movie --
important ones, that gave the story substance and penetrated the
heart so much more deeply. I wonder when the author turned
over his artistic control (sold his soul) and allowed that
"puff piece" of a movie to be produced! The Hotel del
Coronado is *infinitely* more beautiful than the Grand Hotel --
perhaps they got a better location price. And, sorry, Christopher
Reeve (God bless him) was pretty enough, but so shallow in the
role. (Jane Seymour was a dead on match, but stifled).
In the book, Richard was the tortured, lovesick and obsessed
wretch that all of us have been at one time in our lives,
perishing for the object of our affection in the moments apart
from them. (Elise's surrender -- totally uncharacteristic for
her, following her heart instead of her commitments -- was all
too familiar. I was reminded of a long distance romance of a few
years back -- the pain and reminiscence were very sweet, indeed).
Watched the movie again, and it was CRAP! So now we agree.
It's a strange road that leads us to who knows where. And, oh, if
"time travel" were only possible...
--Melissa McConnell,
Pittsburg, CA
Melissa,
That hotel they used in "Somewhere in Time" became
famous primarily BECAUSE of the movie. It's on Mackinaw Island in
northern Michigan. No cars allowed. But, of course, in the movie
there are cars! I guess they changed the writer's hometown to
Chicago because it doesn't make sense for an LA writer to
vacation in northern Michigan. Are you sure it was Chicago in the
movie? And no, Chris Reeve is not the greatest actor in the
world, but do you think Jane Seymour IS? Please.
The Hotel Del Coronado has some connection to "The Wizard of
Oz."
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Where can I find out about this movie--who the guy was who wrote
and directed it, why there are so many titles, why it was made in
'59 and not released until '61, why it doesn't seem to be a cult
movie (or even known at any of the movie buff rental places like
Kim's or Video Room or The Movie Place), and how to tell whether
I have the cut or the uncut version? Any knowledge or information
you could share would be wildly appreciated. It's the scariest
movie ever made.
Many thanks,
Mimi Kramer
Dear Mimi,
If your video is titled "Mania," that should be the
full uncut British 1959 version. If you have "Flesh and the
Fiends," then that's the drastically cut version released in
America only. There's frequently a lapse between the date of
European release and the date of American release, and this was
even more true in the fifties, sixties and seventies. John
Gilling is the name of the British writer/director who made it,
and, of course, horror fans are always delighted to see the young
Donald Pleasence as one of the graverobbers.
Joe Bob
OK,
I read the letters, I surfed the site, and I saw your comments. I
gots 3 things to say about the whole monstervision/get-a-job
thing: Monstervision was OK, but the only reason I watched was to
hear your comments; and whatever you do in the future, I
guarantee that I'll be watching, even if it has nothing
whatsoever to do with movies.
And, finally, get a job, man. You're making the rest of us hicks
look downright productive.
James Fields
Mishawaka, IN
Dear James,
It's part of my image to rarely have a productive job AND to get
fired from the unproductive job I do have.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
DAY TRADERS! CHAT ADDICTS! E-JUNKIES! Having just too damn much
fun to leave your keyboard? Try WEBCAN! Suppliers of
port-o-potties, adult diapers, bedpans & catheters as well as
fast foods from antipasto to zwieback! FREE PICKUP (yecch!) &
DELIVERY! Dial 1-800-NET-PIGS or log onto WWW.SNIPERSITE.COM!
Remember, when ya gotta go, go WEBCAN!!
Bill Crown
Bill,
Now was that really necessary?
Joe Bob
Hi Joe Bob,
I just read the news about MonsterVision, and I'm going to miss
it. How could they do that, or was it your decision? I noticed it
wasn't on television, or I was either missing it every Saturday
night, but the web page pretty much explained it. I really
enjoyed it, had a few laughs, and enjoyed the horror movies. Do
you think you will host another show again? Its only that, you
were the last real horror host. I will miss MonsterVision..............E-mail
me back if you wish. By the way, what are you doing now that
MonsterVision is done? Well, whatever you decide, I wish you the
best. See Ya!
Anthony
Dear Anthony,
I was the LAST horror host? Is that true? I'm the last of a
breed?
Joe Bob
hey
whats up how's it going .im a young lad and think u kick ass i ve
been watching monstervision ever since it started and i
loved it till the jackass people closed it that was gay i thought
.heck the only reason i watched the show was to see u and what u
say heck some of the movies i never saw and some i liked i keep
trying to get a t- shirt so one day when i went to see a show at
phillps arena i went in to the cnn center and just bought the
shirt .well i live in georgia in gwinnett in a small town called
snellville /grayson .well please right i know your busy but
when ever u have time just drop me a line are u going to host any
other shows if so please tell me well thats all u have nice day
shawn dawg
Snellville, GA
Dear Shawn,
Are they still selling those shirts? They never even sent one to
ME! That should tell you something right there, huh?
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Remember me? I sent you that site to visit a few weeks ago, but
it wouldn't load. Either way, I think it should work by now, so
give it another look when you get the chance: www.geocities.com/thephatmaestro
And if it does work this time, do me a huge favor and sign the
guestbook down at the bottom. I'd really, really appreciate it,
cause you're the man!
So anyway, keep being the man and do something cool in the near
future so your fans can be assured that you're really here,
and not abducted by aliens!
Your biggest fan in the hellhole called Forsyth County,
Kane Miller
Dear Kane,
I loved it! If you truly want to make an authentic Crappy
Independent Horror Project, you'll never finish the script.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob --
I tried to sign up for the Tightcircle just now, which the
homepage says is "recovered" but it wouldn't take me. I
feel so rejected......snif snif. ope it isn't just me.
On a livelier note, have you ever considered running for office?
I think you and Michael Moore would make a good team. You've both
got a passel of brains and are both articulate in a
wonderfully Populist way. I wouldn't care which one of you wanted
to be Pres and Vice Pres, but part of your campaign could be
changing the two offices to CoPresidents -- sharing the
responsibilities, so to speak. I know I'd vote for you, although
my son is so disgusted, he's thinking of writing in Jesse Ventura
and Mr. T.
Please let me know if you're gonna be around the Buffalo area
(don't forget we've still got the drive-in here....as well as
chicken wings [created here!], Texas Hots, and Roast Beef on
Kummelweck!)...
xo
Robin Kay W.
Buffalo, NY
Dear Robin,
When people in Buffalo eat chicken wings, do they call them
ochester Wings?
Best,
Joe Bob
In "Advice to the Hopeless," someone asked you about a
movie called "Eyes Without a Face." I'm sure
someone has responded about this already, but I'll throw my two
cents in. It does exist, I've seen it. Don't know director or
actors, though I think they're fairly obscure. Fifties, black and
white, U.S.A. Plot: Sanitarium doctor's daughter gets in
bad car wreck, it destroys her face. He abducts beautiful
young girls (don't they always?), and tries to graft their faces
on to his daughter's. Never works, lots of dead chicks. The
surgery scenes are pretty graphic and well done, those are
probably the ones that stuck in that woman's head. Daughter wears
a white mask, can't stand all the killing. Lots of dogs caged up
for experiments, of course they break free and wreak havoc. Read
about it in some Premiere magazine list a few years back. It's
pretty good.
Pining for the fjords,
Ursuline Labravski
New York City, NY
Joe Bob,
RE: Stripteaser
Definitely a **** (four star movie) Ann Marie Holman was HOT!
When she strips for psycho Rick Dean they cut out the part where
he fondles her body with his automatic...all over her nekkid
body! They persuaded Ann Marie to take it all off for the scene,
because originally she was going to keep her knickers on. Good
call , guys! Why not keep the gun fondling in? Was that MORE
outrageous than crucifying Maria Ford's ex boyfriend? You're
right, they should have told Demi Moore to get lost and hired
both Ann Marie and Maria to replace her. They could have split
the 12.5million.
Trivia: Julie K. Smith taught Demi her stripping moves. Guess
Demi wasn't paying attention, huh? Incidentally Julie was a
"live wire" in " Midnight Tease 2 " She's a
real pro when it comes to takin' it off.
Frank T Rolapp
University Place, WA
Dear Frank,
Julie K. taught Demi Moore all her moves? I know Julie! That gal
is everywhere.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe
Bob,
You may not be a DR. WHO series fan but there's a site by one on
building the robot like 'DALEKS'.....URL:
www.dalekcity.co.uk
There's also one on the classic LOST IN SPACE Robot, ' B9 ' for
building these lifesize.....URL: ??? I don't know that one but
it's called THE B9 ROBOT BUILDERS CLUB.
Enjoy....and smoke 'em if ya got 'em.
Larry Smith
Dear Larry,
Well, that's a little obsessive, don't ya think? Especially when
you consider how lousy their special effects were in the first
place.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hey Joe!
Why do all you inty-lecshewel critic types gush over guys who
strut around firing off fake penii (Glock automatic version) but
when some chicks go to war with their natural-born weaponry you
don't get it AT ALL?
James Stuart
Dear Jimbo,
I have no idea what you're talking about. If it's the movie
"Showgirls," then the main weaponry employed was deadly
dialogue. If you're talking about showgirls in general, I'm in
awe of them. Any girl who can walk on five-inch stilettos with a
chandelier on her head, topless, is my kinda gal. In fact, I'm
appalled that the Folies Bergere, at the Tropicana,
recently went non-topless at the early show. What is happening to
this country?
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hey Joe Bob:
Didja get a chance to get and see GODZILLA 2000? Man, whatta cool
flick. Saw it in a PACKED movie house, and everyone came
out sayin' "NOW THAT was a GODZILLA film!" Not
that Roland Emmerich over-done production of two years ago...
Sony's marketing plan for this Japanese low-budgeter($12m) was to
cash in on the "baby-boomer nostalgia of the old movies
& drive-in fare". Well, SOMEONE up there likes us, huh?
The movie was basically uncut, save for some trimming and some
new musical scoring in certain areas, but, frankly that did the
film much better, and unlike adding Raymond Burr to the '54 and
'84 films, it's a much better experience.
Best to you-
Bob Eggleton
Dear Bob,
Yeah, it's a pretty much universal thumbs-up among the drive-in
faithful. Only the Japanese know how to do the G-man.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hello Joe,
My question is in regards to your description of the movie The
Wraith in your B Movie guide. Where did you get the information
on the Black Turbo Interceptor? I have been searching for info on
that car for years and couldn't even get a Chrysler executive to
acknowledge the existence of the car. Any ideas as to where this
car is today or any technical specs? I noticed you mentioned a
tube chassis, how did you know?
Thank you so much for your time,
James A. Phillips
Hollywood, FL
Dear James,
I'm pretty sure the information on the Turbo Interceptor came
from the press kit, although it might have come from the
director, who occasionally writes to me. I think people are a
little hesitant to talk about that movie because of the deaths
that occurred while they were making it.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Voyage to the bottom of the sea is one of my favorites. i like
watching sci fi, but i am also interested in the behind the
scenes tech stuff as well. i like to watch shows about how they
do special effects, especially CGI. Some of the stuff they can do
is amazing, especially morphing like they did for terminator 2. I
thought that was great. toy story is great too. especially
since i love carttons and anime. I have a minor in theatre and
have taken a theatre makeup class as well as working with
costumes. i think my fav. costumes/makeup would be for planet of
the apes. although, i love some of the really cheesy
costumes/makeup from old tv and movies. some of it is just too
funny. i'm also a huge dr. who fan. can't beat it for cheesy
costumes :)
ttfn
bonnie
ps- are you a sid and marty croft fan?
Bonnie,
Absolutely. Sid and Marty Kroft are the best. I even like the
marionettes. Remember them? Sid and Marty Kroft may the last
nationally known marionette team in American history.
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Hey! I was just reading some of your archived letters in the
Advice to the Hopeless and came across the letter from Kathleen
Sanchez. She was asking about EYES WITHOUT A FACE and she had you
stumped. That is the UK title of the film, the original title is
"Les Yeux sans visage" (1959). The US title was
released in 1962 as "The Horror Chamber of Dr. Faustus."
And can also be found under "House of Dr. Rasanoff."
The plot: A surgeon was responsible for his daughter's facial
disfigurement (she wears a mask) in an accident. He attempts,
without success, to transfer faces of kidnapped young women to
his daughter.
She can find the video at Amazon for around $27. Of course, using
the handy dandy link from The Joe Bob Report.
smoochies!!
Ann Malone
Sherman, TX
Ann,
Well, what a little Sherlocka Holmes you are!
Joe Bob
Hey Joe Bob,
Over on a Bulletin Board for model kit fans, someone asks what
horror TV hosts folks would want models of......mental ' M' ing
stuff I guess. My choices were COMMANDER USA, SEYMORE and
JOE-BOB BRIGGS. I swear EVERY host was listed, the majority I
never heard of as most, even ZACKERLY I guess, were'nt seen
nation wide. It pains me that I never saw much of COM USA cause I
needed a descrambler box in those days.....for most of his long
(?) run. There just aint many nationally seen horror hosts.
Unless that changes if one has a satelite dish?
Larry Smith
Dear Larry,
What about Elvira? She would have to be number one, don't you
think?
Joe Bob
Yes, Joe Bob,
I, too, really miss MonsterVision. (Theoretically, it may exist,
but it could not really be MonsterVision without you. They
know this: the website says "Closed for the Season" and
I would not be surprised if it closed for good.) I actually got
cable again when I moved from Texas to the (much more expensive)
Si Valley, just so I could watch you on MonsterVision.
Still, I think TW did you and the entire country a favor. Now
that you are under-employed (which won't last long), isn't it
time for The Return of Iron Joe Bob? I have had to buy five
copies of the original since I would lent them to (sequential)
boyfriends, who refused to give them back (actually they all
said, "Hey, this was a gift, right?"), and I think the
country needs IJB again. It is possible that the Virgin Mary was
communicating to you without your knowing it, otherwise, how
could so much of it look like prophecy? Either that or do you
think you were Jonathan Swift in your last life??
Anyway, I miss you Joe Bob but, I hope, not for long. You may
have lost this job but never your fans and you will have fun with
whatever you do next -- and so will we.
(Did you ever turn up "Count Yorga, Vampire"? I saw it
when I was a kid and ran out of the theater...)
Best wishes!
Danita Maseles
Si Valley, CA
Dear Danita,
You're not the only one. You have no idea how many copies of
"Iron Joe Bob" I've signed as gifts from girlfriends to
their boyfriends, which is strange when you realize that much of
the book is about how to STRAIGHTEN THAT SPEAR, right? I mean,
some guys might interpret it as a HINT. No complaints so far,
though.
Preciate all the words of support, hon. Are you on boyfriend
number six yet?
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
This is just a rather random thing--I was reading the
"Advice to the Hopeless" letters on your website and
saw one letter that I have info regarding in case you would want
to post it for that person's benefit. Hope it helps.
Diana Pearson
Los Angeles, CA
Here's the original letter:
Joe Bob,
Have you seen "Horror, Sci Fi & Fantasy Movie
Posters"? Movies Unlimited sells it.....no author is named.
Are there color posters in it? 80 pages.....is it worth one's
while?
Larry Smith
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's what I have to post:
I HAVE this book & "Horror Movie Posters." Both
books are by Bruce Herschenson and contain 80 pages of color
movie poster reprints (generally about 5 posters to a page,
though some have a full page to themselves). The posters in the
"Horror Sci-Fi & Fantasy" book range from "The
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" to"The Blair Witch
Project." There is NO accompanying text other than a 1
page introduction, just the posters with the name, year, and
poster style listed below the image (ie. Italian poster, lobby
card, reissue, etc.). The book is arranged chronologically,
with the earliest poster being 1909, and the most current being
1999. If you want the images, I highly recommend it. The other
"Horror Movie Posters" book is basically the same, but
mainly comprised of classic horror film posters. It has a pretty
good
assortment of 80s horror flick posters as well. These are
actually just 2 volumes in a series of 22 books that you can
purchase in a number of movie generes (ie. cartoons, crime,
cowboy, academy awards, etc.) There is an "Attack of the
B-Movie Posters" book slated to come out next month.
"Horror Sci-Fi & Fantasy" is Vol. 11, and
"Horror" is Vol. 7. The images are all from the
Hershenson-Allen Archive. You can visit their info-packed
website, and see images from the books at http://www.emovieposter.com
Well Joe Bob...
I used to think Ted Turner was a real revolutionary, a
Viking...but he let those ol' boys from New York push him around
there at TNT. (I think he's starting to lose his edge.) And he
threw it all away...a chance to hang out with a living Texas
legend! Heck, they don't know any better...they probably don't
even know who Stevie Ray Vaughan is, either! Anyway, who
needs 'em...you'll get a bigger gig in time. I think you've
really out-grown TNT, anyway, man. Every Saturday nite, me and my
boys here in Dallas used to grab some Tex-Mex grub, meet over at
my place down off lower Greenville, check out MonsterVision, and
throw back a few Shiners--all at the same time...now that's
coordination. We turned it into a tradition as big as my family's
Thanksgiving in Decatur. Let me put it to you this way--as a
young man who was conceived in the back seat of a Plymouth at a
Wichita Falls drive-in, your show is darn-near in my blood...and
I have to watch it, just like the pope has to go to church. So,
keep us posted on where you might pop up next! And kick a
shout back at me if you get a minute.
Thanks
Stormin Norman Willis
Dallas, TX
P.S. - I'm driving out to California to visit my sister in a
couple of weeks, so I'm looking forward to the many cultural
attractions along Route 66. And I hope to find a good drive-in
along the way. (I think there's one around Amarillo or
thereabouts.) I WILL be leaving my mark (probably in the form of
about 20 cans of pink and green spray paint) at Cadillac
Ranch...I can promise you that!
Dear Stormin Norman,
Nothing like a little psychotic road-trip savagery to pump up the
adrenaline, so good luck at the Cadillac Ranch. I don't think
you're gonna find a drive-in in the Panhandle, though. I've
driven Route 66 quite a few times, and as I recall, Oklahoma is
the last holdout.
Joe Bob
JB --
They did it , darlin'. TNT has shut down Monstervision. It
coudn't go on without the Master and now they'll have more time
to run the same 10 freakin' movies all the time. (You couldn't
miss "Fallen" the last two weeks unless you erased the
channel from your set.)
My only problem is that I never finished downloading all the
transcripts. Do the rights revert to you or is Ted gonna use to
woo some sweet young things? However, to be fair the site does
give the Joe Bob Briggs Report pride of place.
Still hoping you'll grace the Philly area with your presence
soon.
Linda J. Ginsburg
Huntingdon Valley, PA
Dear Linda,
That's very sweet of you to think that anyone would argue over
the commercial rights to old "MonsterVision"
transcripts. I'm sure that whoever wants em can have em!
Best,
Joe Bob
Hey Joe Bob,
Hate to be a pain in the ass and e-mail you again, but I thought
I'd get a definite answer from you. Recently I was watching the
spectacular 1993 American movie classic "Army of
Darkness". Of course in the final part of the movie Bruce
Campbell's spaghettio-faced twin returns from the dead, and later
turns babe Embeth Davidtz into a "deadite". Anyway, for
ages now I've wondered if beneath all the make-up was
Campbell and Davidtz. I've e-mailed Bruce at his page --- never
got an answer (like "Jack of All Trades" is
really taking up all his time!). I then went to ask all the Evil
Dead/Bruce Campbell nerds, and got all kinds of wacky answers. I
finally decided to e-mail you, because you pretty much know
all kinds of nutty facts about every movie made. Thanks for your
time, and I hope you know by my bad description what the hell I'm
talking about.
--- D. Kemp
Dear D.,
Well, I don't know the answer, but Bruce is normally pretty good
about answering stuff like that. My guess would be no. There's no
reason to keep a couple of actors around for something that's
basically a makeup and stuntman job.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Not that I'm a big fan of Nike or anything, but I did get a kick
out of their "Why Sport?" ad featuring long distance
runner Suzy Hamilton outlasting a Jason/Leatherface/Shape wannabe
going after her with a chainsaw. The bad guy doesn't hurt more
than a door, but some folks complained, and both NBC and ESPN
pulled the commercial. I guess it goes to show that suggesting
something can get people as riled up as actually showing some
_________ (fill in the black with gore, sex, whatever).
And, of course, it means I watch to much TV.
Anne Bleyman
Durham, NC
Dear Anne,
I
agree that that was a pretty funny commercial. I was amazed when
everybody got whacked out about it. But here's what's even
weirder. A few days after Nike pulled that one, they started
running ANOTHER one that shows a skateboarder being chased by
these gladiators wielding maces, pickaxes, swords--in other
words, a LOT more guys with a LOT more weaponry than the chainsaw
attacker--and, of course, the skateboarder, through his superior
athletic skill, gets away. Isn't this the EXACT SAME commercial?
No protest! What's the f-ing difference?
Best,
JB
Joe Bob,
Your right, the Nike gladiator ad has the same message as the
pulled ad. Not only that, but Ms. Hamilton got cleanly away
in her ad with the chainsaw guy giving up, while the gladiator is
still out there waiting to take on the skateboarder. I can't
figure out whether men should be upset because no one cares about
their safety or women because it means no one thinks they can
look after themselves. Good grief.
Anne Bleyman
Durham, NC
Anne,
So you think it was a male-female issue? What if the chainsaw
killer had been female? Would that make it okay?
JB
John,
Then we're back to the original "Friday the 13th." In
that padded getup that the chainsaw wielder was in, how would one
know it's NOT already a woman? Ditto for the gladiator in the
other ad.
Anne Bleyman
Durham, NC
Anne,
As a matter of fact, I think it's part of the "Friday the
13th" convention that the chainsaw killer almost always
turns out to be either a woman or a transvestite. Right?
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
i know what traditional marionettes are. puppets w/strings. i'm
trying to think which characters in the kroft shows would have
been marionettes. maybe the dorse in lost saucer? mostly i saw
sigmund and the sea monsters, lost saucer, bugaloos, hr
puffinstuff, and land of the lost. were cling and clang
marionettes? i never really thought about it before. you must be
a muppets fan if you like marionettes. muppet is supposed to be a
cross between puppet and marionette. i was heart broken when jim
henson died. i grew up watching the muppets. i always loved gonzo
and fozzy bear. i remember they did an episode w/different types
of puppetry. they did some japanese puppetry that was really
beautiful. this probably has some typos in it. i'm watching
indiana jones on the sci fi channel. they're doing it letterbox
format. they're also running babylon 5 wide screen. i like star
trek, but i've always thought b5 was better. better internal
confilct and better character interaction between the core
characters. i never liked how gene rodenberry insisted that star
trek next gen had to be warm and fuzzy. garibaldi is much more
interesting than riker.
guess that's it for now. i'd really be interested to hear more
about sid and marty and their marionettes. their shows were
truely psychadelic, not to mention slightly weird. but that's
what made em fun.
ttfn
bonnie
Dear Bonnie,
The marionettes were just these wooden marionettes that were
manipulated by Sid and Marty Kroft themselves. Usually they would
appear on "Ed Sulivan" or "The Dean Martin
Show" or one of those old variety shows. I think it's what
they started out doing.
Best,
Joe Bob
Mr Briggs:
I am a moderator of an egroup devoted to Catholic social and
cultural issues. The subject has gotten around to helping the
homeless. I wanted to refer participants to one of the few
intelligent articles I've ever read on helping the homeless --
yours. To be more precise, "What the Homeless Really, Really
Need, and Why They'll Never get it," from the May/June 1996
issue of The Door magazine. Do you have an online version of that
for which I could provide a link? Or am I gonna have to type this
sucker?
Thanks for listening.
David L. Alexander
Arlington, VA
Dear David,
Well, bud, I don't rightly remember, but I think the Door article
was adapted from a couple of syndicate columns I did for The New
York Times Syndicate around that time. If you could wait a little
while, we'll eventually have all those up on my website, but for
the time being you'll have to type.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
I'm the cornfed dame Iowa, who lives on that farm by the railroad
tracks. You picked me up at the Casey's on the corner when you
were gett'n gas for yer truck. You said you liked the way I was
eat'n my popsicle. You told me I had nice braids and freckles and
asked if you could show me yer reclin'n seats. I don't know if
you remember me, but you probably remember my Dad chas'n you
through the feilds with a pitchfork after he found us roll'n
round in the hay up in the barn. I really like you a whole lot
and thought since you were on TV and wrote some books and stuff ,
you might have a double wide trailer by now. If so, ya wanna
hitch up? Cuz I'm tired of tak'n bathes with pigs! I'm a real
good cook.
Your gal,
Daisy May
Dear Daisy May,
I think you're beautiful. Did your face ever clear up?
Joe Bob
Hey, Joe Bob:
With everyone making suggestions as to what network your next
show may land on, have you considered the Lifetime Network?
Just kidding! Anyway, I reread "Iron Joe Bob" a few
weeks ago, and noticed that my wife has been watching a lot of
Lifetime, and I've realized that just about every single man in a
movie shown on Lifetime is a wife-beating, kid-beating,
alcoholic, drug addicted, philandering, smelly and psychotic guy.
I saw Jaclyn Smith get beat up by two different men in two
different movies during the same week. If someone only watched
Lifetime, they would probably get the impression that all men are
scumbags who beat up Jaclyn Smith. Is it just me, or is Lifetime
misrepresenting American men? Is there a Guy Anti-Defamation
league out there that can set them straight? Maybe if you brought
"Drive-In Theater" to Lifetime, you could show a more
balanced portrayal.
The only benefit of Lifetime is that it makes me look really good
to my wife. Unlike the men in the Lifetime movies, I don't smack
my wife around. "See, honey, you're lucky, I don't
beat you like those husbands on Lifetime. You should
appreciate me more" has become my mantra.
Get back on the tube soon - it's really boring without you.
Sean Whitley
Dallas, TX
Dear Sean,
You don't smack her around? Really? Even when she begs for it?
Maybe YOU'VE been watching too much Lifetime.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Do you realize now that we've had to go back watchin' HBO. Oh,
where have you gone? As we have been out of touch with our recent
house move, we do so miss your Monster Vision, but are hoping
that you are out there some where on 4DTV. If you've some place
new, where have you gone? Or are you giving to David Letterman a
run for his money? The sex flicks on HBO are gettin' old.
Life around the BBQ pit ain't been the same,
Hope to hear from you soon,
M & L
Erik Igo
Dear Erik,
Hey, you're watching the wrong sex flicks. The ones on Showtime
are MUCH cheesier. But thanks for the words of support. I should
be back up and running any day now.
Joe Bob
Dear TNT,
We
really miss Joe Bob. Saturday night is not the same without him.
Of all the things available to watch, we chose him and your
station (now we don't). Bad choice, guys. He was our
"bud." He was about the only thing my husband, my
two teenagers with purple and orange hair, and I, an old
conservative, liked in common. As my kids said "Joe Bob
rules." My husband's comments: "It sucks that
they took Joe Bob off now that I am not working all night
on Sat. nights and could watch him." Do you hear the
sorrow in our voices?
jo ann cool
Dear Jo Ann,
I'm still your bud, hon. Don't worry. We'll find a new place to
meet.
All my best,
Joe Bob
hello joe,
i'm wondering if you are still hosting your monster vision
programs on tnt ,,( or is it tbs)?,,,been awhile,,,ain't seen or
heard from ya,,,,let me know something soon please,, thanks:)....
Ben Willimams
Longview, TX
Dear Ben,
Carnage has occurred. The apocalypse is near. You need to go to
my website and read the sad story in the "Advice to the
Hopeless" section. Write again if you need medical
assistance.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
A few weeks ago my wife and I took the kids to the Pheasant City
Drive-In Theatre in Redfield, South Dakota. The kids had never
seen a drive-in before, and I wanted them to see one. Its about
65 miles west of us, so we won't make it for a lot of movies, but
I want to go once or twice a summer when they have movies that
the kids can see. We saw Disney's The Kid this trip. We all had a
good time. The kids were watching the movie from the top of the
van. The snack bar has hot dogs, burgers, and a popcorn popper
with a burner big enough for a water heater under it to make
popcorn fast.
I just thought I would drop you a note to let you know we had
fun, and the drive-in will never die. I've been a fan since way
back in the TMC days. Keep up the good work. And in the interests
of country hospitality, come on up if you ever want to hunt
pheasants, geese, or whitetail deer.
Sincerely,
Curt Parliament
Hazel, SD
Dear Curt,
Hunting AND drive-ins--how could I pass that up? Thanks for the
progress report from the true Middle America, bud.
Joe Bob
Hey Joe!
I want to find a shirt like one I saw you wearing on TV one time.
It was a western style with the confederate flag on it... I gotta
have one. Do you remember where you bought it? Please let me
know. I am an Arkansan living in California (Sacramento) and
would LOVE to wear a shirt like yours.
Thanks a lot!
-Todd
Dear Todd,
That Confederate flag shirt I used to wear was real popular, but
it was given to me by the manufacturer. It's designed in France,
distributed by a Jewish company in New York, and manufactured in
Morocco. Should we all sing "Dixie"?
Joe Bob
Hey Joe Bob,
I just got done reading "Joe Bob goes back to the
drive-in" and "Iron Joe Bob" Great books! I
remember reading something about how your were supposed to be in
Chainsaw 2, but the scene got cut. Did they at least give you a
copy of the footage? That way you can show your offspring when
you're old how you were hacked-up like a bad piece of ground
chuck on screen by the legendary leatherface. Family home movies
would be much more interesting. Anyways, heard you're going
on a one man show. Hope you can make it up to Michigan State
University. You'll have the perfect crowd...intoxicated youth:)
Hope to see you back on TV again. Your show was much better than
all the soft porn that was on at that timeslot;)
Take care,
-Steve Jencks
Lansing, MI
Dear Steve,
There is no higher praise than that of a man who passed up
premium cable soft porn to watch my show. So thank you greatly.
You can actually see my scenes in "The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre Part 2" by watching the "director's cut"
that was released on laserdisc, and I believe on DVD as well.
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
The socks, 5 year Dr. visits, out of laundry soap, spending
habits, and just day to day existance......
The women of America salute you and your ability to NAIL the
summary of gender comparison!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep up the Amazing job!
Fans since the old Showtime Days,
Anne & Alan
Dear Anne and Alan,
I presume you've overcome the sexual chasm and agreed to a
detente?
Joe
Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Mucho thanx for the informative history you provided the reader
from Waco. I, too, am from Waco -- and, I'm ashamed to say,
I HATED living there. It's pretty sad to say that the place you
were raised you did not like living there. So, again, your
tale of early Waco truly "makes live worth living".
Any other tidbits about Waco history? I've lived there from 1955
to 1975 and the pictorial history books in Waco that they don't
let you check out show the fabuloso hotels they used to have in
Downtown Waco -- complete with the indoor pools and those little
hangy-down ring thingies (what did they do with those things?).
Another subject: As I'm getting to be an "old fart" I
get to reminiscing about my youth and am getting obsessed
with Camp Fire Girls (one of the few things I liked about Waco).
I know that Madonna was a Camp Fire Girl (and Ann Richards) -- do
you know of any other "glory girls" who admit to being
Camp Fire Girls. I've searched Yahoo: (1) "Celebrity Camp
Fire Girls" and (2) "Famous Camp Firl
Girls", to no avail. I know gals like "a man in
uniform", so just wondering if you know of any famous
"girls in uniform" -- Camp Fire that is. Probably they
don't want to admit it. I wonder why Madonna did?
Oh, well, I'm writing this and work -- hope I'm not busted!
Cheers, and
Regards,
Terry Harmon
Houston, TX
Dear Terry,
I think men also love a woman in uniform, especially if it's a
nurse uniform, a flight attendant uniform or a cheerleader
uniform. We know this from the great seventies classics "The
Student Nurses," "Candy Stripe Nurses,"
"Private Duty Nurses," "Fly Me,"
"Revenge of the Cheerleaders," and, of course, the
immortal "Cheerleader Camp."
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
I recall sitting in my office in 1985, or abouts. You wrote a
story about Otis the dyslexic prophet. Instead of sayin
"death by fire!" Otis refunked it as "death by
tire!". 15 years later, OTIS WAS RIGHT! (The Firestone
holocaust).Sadly, no one listened.
Any more Nostrodamic type stuff?
MARK MOTZ
Mayfield Heights, OH
Mark,
You get major Brownie points for remembering Otis the dyslexic
prophet, who you may or may not recall lived in a Goodwill box in
Hobbs, New Mexico. Otis was still there the last time I checked.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
In regards to your question on the symbolism of the baby
statuette appearing from the egg in "A Company of
Wolves," it has always been my thought that this was an
indication that the girl had finally gotten her period, so to
speak.
One point to recall, is that this is less a film about
werewolves, as one where werewolves are used symbolically to make
statements about human nature - particularly human sexuality
("the beast"). So the imagery will not all be sourced
from the various werewolf mythos.
My thinking is as follows:
We have a girl...
1. being chased by a boy
2. applying the rouge as a simulacrum of sexual arousal
3. followed by the opening of the egg (common symbol of
fertility) and the
revelation of the baby statuette
4. which she then shows to her mother - who is quite pleased.
Does it make any sense?
Just my $.02
Carlos Perez
Boston, MA
Dear
Carlos,
But why is it a statue! That's what's driving me crazy! It's a
statue of a baby!
Actually, you've made more sense than anyone else so far.
Preciate the attempt.
Joe Bob
Hey Mr. Joe bob...Sir!.
This is Hektor Thillet, 22 years old, computer animation student
from Ft Lauderdale, Florida here! I am watching your Sunday
morning presentation of "In the Company of Wovles" on
the TNT network... and I wanted to give you my interpretation of
what "The Statues hatching out of the eggs" really
mean... If you noticed the bird that flew out of the nest where
the eggs where, it was a Baby carrier Heron...I mean; you know as
depicted in the fairy tales... So this entire movie is a
Fairytale, Little Ridding Redhood to be exact right? Well there
is a lot of fairy tale dark simbolism in it... and so the Heron
Baby Carrier was trown in the mix... Why? Because, if you
remember the girl's sister had died earlier... when the girl
climbed up the tree and found the Bird's Baby carriage (still
looking at it from a fairy tale point of view), well she
interrupted the Babies gestation process and they hatched
intomeer statues... Then the girl took the statue to her Mom as
if the Heron had delivered her daughter back. The statue
cried...well in my screwd up opinion anyways... because it
probably was the death daughter's soul trapped into that statue
after she died in the forest... or something like that! Well
that's enough Pilosophying from my part! Stay neutral. Peace
Hektor Thillet
Dear Hek,
Stay neutral? I have no idea what you said, but you know what? It
almost sounded good.
Joe Bob
Hey, Joe Bob,
First of all, let me tell you how happy I am that the VCR remote
has a pause button. I often try to tape movies you show on
Monstervision, but I can't stand the (endless) commercials, so
that's all cut when I record. However, you may be pleased to know
that I do record your monologues, and enjoy you very much. As a
matter of fact, you're the only host I include in the movie
recordings. Hope you have a job for a long time, you're like my
adult version of 'creature double-feature'. And at least you're
not working for the USA network! Commercial city!
Anyway, on to the question of the ceramic babies that hatched in
tonight's 'red riding hood' movie. I honestly see no connection
to werewolf lore, but there may be a connection to Celtic
mythology. The nest and eggs appear to be that of the stork, and
you know the legend of storks delivering babies, so I wonder if
that may have been the reference. And wasn't it freaky when the
baby statue shed a tear as the girl was holding it in her hand!
Wonder what that meant. (Maybe it wasn't ready to leave the
nest?)
Well, thank you for adding a little something worthwhile to late
night TV viewing. And tell Ted to give you a raise!
TTYL
Arthur Podgorney
Dear Arthur,
Ted must have been out of earshot when you said that.
At any rate, all these theories about what myths the movie is
based on would be fine, except I don't find ANY myths that
include those damned baby statues.
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Perhaps the eggs hatching represent her emergence into womanhood.
The statues inside her "fertile" eggs cry because they
will never be born. And now that she has passed into womanhood,
the wolfs are aroused by her scent?
Who knows? Face it, this movie has more loose ends than a gay
bar!
Mike McCarns
Dear Mike,
Hey, you stole my line! But thanks for making the attempt! I
still don't understand it.
Joe Bob
Dear Joebob
I have been watching your show for a long time I was I think 7 or
8 im 12 now I love it sooo much but I want to know ..... when you
get mail and read it on the show is it real or just part of the
script I really wanna know o and by the way I live in Alabama not
that far from Atlanta, GA kinda cool. Well, its late 12:40pm. my
time. Bye
your fan
Mary
Dear Mary,
All the mail I read on the show is just as real as your email,
hon, and thank you for those nice words.
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
It seems that many folk have been under a rock somewhere just
finding out about your ex TNT experience. I am glad to see you
back writing and am enjoying all the articles being sent out to
us! Even if they do "pull" one every now and then! Am
thankful I have all your books, except A Guide to Western
Civilization, so I can bask in your wit and wisdom daily. Believe
me, if I had the funds, you would have your own show doing
whatever the heck you wanted to do!!!! Thanks for the great web
site. It helps to know that there are others who "semi
worship" you as much as I do!!! Sorry, but you are number
three on my list, first is the J man, then my hubby, then you!!
You have my support in whatever you endeavor to do next. By
the way, if I weren't married, you would probably be number 2!!
Good luck sir!
the gal in the south,
Jeanne Smith( better known as the "bean")
Dear Jeanne,
You gals are starting to give me a complex. I've only been off
the air TWO MONTHS, and everyone keeps hounding me to know when
I'm coming back. There's no award for being QUICK about that sort
of thing.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob--
I thoroughly enjoyed your commentary and comedic observations
during THE DEAD ZONE. I've admired Mr. Walken's work for some
time, and I'd met the man at a cast party back in 1986.(Just as
weird in person!). His Oscar-winning performance in THE
DEERHUNTER inspired me to become a professional actor in
Richmond, Virginia. Anyway, During the film, THE DEAD ZONE, I was
wondering if you caught the opening scene in his classroom. He
addresses his students just as the bell is ringing and states the
following line: "For homework, I want you to read "The
Legend of Sleepy Hollow." It's about a school teacher who
gets chased by a headless demon!" .... This film was
produced back in 1983. Who knew that Mr. Walken would go on to
play the Headless Horseman in 1999? Pretty Twilight Zoney, if you
ask me! ....Here's proof-positive that you're very entertaining--
My wife is a dead ringer for Demi Moore...and I STILL take the
time to catch your show each Saturday night! Keep up the great
work!
Sincerely,
Mr. Bill Brock
Midlothian, VA
Dear Bill,
OOOOOOOO, that IS creepy. Not the Christopher Walken
foreshadowing, but that your wife looks like Demi Moore. I hope
she hasn't tried to match her plastic surgery for plastic
surgery, because that RIB THING she did is disgusting.
Joe Bob
I live in hood river Oregon about 60 miles from Portland. In our
town we still have a drive in that is a very popular hang out for
teens to screw and get trashed. A multiplex was built downtown
and it is threatening our little drive in. We need to take
action. What is going to happen if kids don't have a place to
drink their beer and have their teen sex? I think it's not the
violence on TV that causes kids to freak out. It's the lack of
sex in back seats of cars. THIS HAS TO BE STOPPED!
Nick Pounders
Dear Nick,
You don't even have to tell me. I've noticed there's already a
decline in the birth rate as a direct result of the cinemegaplex
opening in downtown Hood River. Obviously we need a
"Rambo"-type operation.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
How come in the many years I've watched you , you never
have mentioned the greatest low budget clone of ALIEN ever ! This
movie is a debut for James Cameron and many other creative
artists . . .
Sincerely
Chad Castagana
Woodland Hills, CA
Dear Chad,
I take second place to no man in my admiration for "Galaxy
of Terror," but it's just never been possible to have it on
any of the shows I've hosted.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
You mean to tell me that, now that you're gone, TNT expects me to
tune into junk like back to back re-runs of "In the Heat of
the Night"? I tell you, I'm never going to get that
desperate for viewing (dis)pleasure and also, without you hosting
Monstervision, there's really no damn reason to tune in.
I, like many others I'm sure, were super sad to see you go. I
hope to hell you weren't fired by those morons, and that you left
on your own because it's what you wanted to do. I really can't
tell you how much I enjoyed your show--I live in New York and am
a writer who usually keeps to himself, and I don't know how many
times I took a much needed break from the keyboard to watch your
show. Then, when I would finally meet a girl and my Saturday
nights were taken, I taped you whenever possible. And now...here
I am again, girlfriendless, with nothing to do on a Saturday
night except wonder why in the hell TNT is running "Running
Mates" promos every five damn seconds, and hoping against
hope there'd be a Planet of the Apes marathon to keep me
occupied..
Anyway, just wanted to say I totally miss your show and I hope
you surface somewhere else soon; you're one funny and smart guy
Thanks.
Jeff Gomez
New York, NY
Dear Jeff,
Girlfriendless in New York? Isn't that considered impossible?
Don't you guys have, like, a 34-to-1 ratio in your favor?
Joe Bob
joe bob briggs,
i just found out the bad news that there will be no more
"summer school" and halloween marathons (i was really
looking for hallow's eve marathon). But all in all look on the
bright side you might make it back to a premium channel like
showtime or hbo. just think of the perks that once gave like no
censorship (meaning able to see full movies with nothing cut,
bleaped, blotted or otherwise taken out)
you will be missed on my saturday nights. i shall have a six pack
in your honor
----chris lumzer
Inwood, WV
Dear Chris,
Shouldn't you be SENDING ME a six-pack in my honor? Oh, what the
hell.
Joe Bob
Well John Bloom, Jo Bob which ever you prefer.
It is sad to see you go but perhaps this is God's way of telling
you that the Cable baron himself Ted "Turncoat" Turner
just didn't deserve you. I hope to one day become a filmaker and
if I do I don't care what movie it is I promise to use you, if I
can afford ya'. But I do have to thank you for the "Monstervision"
letter you once sent me maybe if I sell it I can afford to have
you in my movie, whatever it is. But I would like to know what
you will be doing now? Return to the 'Door' maybe, work on a
partisan campaign, become a contestant on "Who Wants To Be A
Millionarie?", or maybe join the World Wrestling Federation
as Stone Cold Steve Austin's manager? I think those are all very
nice job opportunities, but maybe you'll become a filmaker. Ahhh
there you are. "...A John Bloom film." How does that
sound? If you do don't forget about your loyal fan and brother in
Christ Jason Hughes. Anyway Good Luck to you Mr. Briggs, or Mr.
Bloom.
Yours in Christ,
Jason Hughes
Groton, CT
Dear Jason,
Well, all of those are excellent career suggestions (I think my
favorite might be working for the WWF), but I've got BIGGER
things in mind. Details later . . .
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
That sucks you got fired from monstervision. I was pissed off. I
don't even watch it anymore. But I am a big fan of yours so keep
me informed on what's coming up in the future with you.
later,
Chase Kennison
Gonalex, LA
Dear Chase,
If you keep a close eye on the Joe Bob website over the next
couple of months, you won't miss a thing!
Joe Bob
hello,
i wish to find out more about that wacky movie, "THE FROZEN
DEAD" what a fantastic flick, jumpin jumba heaps my friend.
please more on the
Above........
ponyvoid
Dear Ponyvoid,
"The Frozen Dead" is one of the greatest camp horror
flicks ever made in England. Dana Andrews plays a Nazi who
refuses to admit the war is over and he keeps all the Nazi
officers alive and in suspended animation. Their brains go
haywire, though, and he ends up with Nazi Zombies. He also cuts
off the head of a strangled woman but keeps it alive, and his
niece ends up communicating with the head and offering advice. A
classic from the sixties.
Joe Bob
Dear JoeBob,
what's this I hear about the making of ED GEIN : THE MOVIE with
Steve Railsback ?????? I got this piece of innuendo from my
sister's boyfriend - who worked for UNSOLVED MYSTERIES and on a
Roger Corman film .
Chad Castagana
Woodland Hills, CA
Dear Chad,
For my money, the only guy who should be considered to play Ed
Gein is the one and only Billy Bob Thornton.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
I remember watching you on The Movie Channel a few years back,
then I had to move to an area that did not offer that channel,
but eventually I found you again on TNT. And we know what
happened there. I truly miss your humor because I really think
you are very entertaining. Is there any hope in the future that
you will have another show on any network? If not could I talk
you into moving here? lol.
Sincerely
Kellie Arrowood
Marion, NC
Dear Kellie,
Yes, there's hope that I'll be on TV again, but it's more
probable that I'll be homeless. So where do I show up?
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Howdy. I'm going "on strike" w/my job for a bit, and
writing you instead! I TRIED to e-mail you yesterday thru
your website, but it's so darned hard! There are these
blanks you have to fill out, and I evidently don't give the right
info and my message never goes through. I have decided if I am to
write you I'll do it through my own e-mail.
I read your fan's letter on "Three Women" and I had to
write. I got turned onto "Three Women" when it came out
here in Houston in 1977 I believe. I agree, it's a mucho trippy
film, and is not for everyone. My "women's libber" aunt
(named Jensey) HATED it, but since she took me to my first
screening, I have seen "Three Women" at least a dozen
times, and managed to snag a copy of it at RTV Video (I know you
mention Movies Unlimited, but are you aware of RTS Video, based
in Las Vegas, for hunting obscure vids?).
I swear, every time I see "Three Women" I catch
something I've missed. This cool chick (girlfriend of
Jimmie Raycraft of The Roaring Calhouns here in Hou.) is
ALSO into early Altman and is from K.C. She says that the artwork
in the swimming pool whose "horny devils" are still in
the backyard of some lucky soul in K.C.
I have many fav parts of "Three Women": Cissy the
innocent, Cissy the sexpot, Shelley the vamp (in her own mind),
the baby delivery scene where Shelley delivers the dead baby and
slaps Cissy cause "She didn't call!", the "bedroom
scene" w/Cissy's older parents, the bar scene where Cissy
downs it all (nice burp!), I could go on and on.
Us early Altman fans are few and far between. I used to go to the
River Oaks Theatre where I saw "Three Women" so many
many times, and ended up getting turned to "Images",
"A Perfect Couple" (w/Tommie Lee Bradley, a fab Hou.
R&B singer), "A Wedding" (semi-commercial),
"Nashville" (mucho commercial), and of course Altman
protege Alan Rudolph's early flicks ("Remember My Name"
and "Welcome To LA"). Many people HATE
"Welcome To LA" but for some perverse reason I
watch it every so often and own the soundtrack. I read an article
in some music rag that one of the members of Steely Dan loved
"Welcome To LA".
Weird to have mentioned that in an interview!
Anyhoo, Altman's flicks may not be about much, but they sure are
visual.
Well, time to the the "strike" and get back to work.
Again, I tried to send this same e-mail yesterday, and got booted
out because I didn't type in what they wanted in the proper
"fields".
Thanx for letting me rant on about Altman, one of my heroes. By
the way, did you know that Altman smokes pot?
Well, later, and
Cheers,
Terry Harmon
Houston, TX
Dear Terry,
Robert Altman smokes pot! I'm appalled! I'm shocked!
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
First off, I am sorry as hell to have lost you off of television
for the moment, but from reading some of your responses in your
'letters' section, perhaps it was good for you. In any case, I
really liked your show and especially your role in it.
Loved those body counts and the occasional flamethrower-fu joke.
Miss you, pal. What is your opinion of these new pseudo-horror
movies? Despite the fact that I think they are unoriginal and
about nothing but cash, I wonder if they might be reviving an
interest in the horror genre? Do you see them realistically
opening the door for more revivals or new venues (such as the
current re-release of The Exorcist)? I live in Southern
California where every theater is playing the same thing on 20
screens and it's terrible. I might be willing to sit through a
Scream 4 if it meant theater owners realized that horror films
could draw a crowd.
On
that note, do you happen to know how to get any information on
any horror revivals in Southern California for Halloween?
Also,
since you seem to have your finger on the pulse of B-movies, do
you have any idea if we might see a DVD release or at least a
legit release of the original film of Dellamorte Dellamore aka
Cemetery Man. I still think that is one of the best damned movies
to come out in the last 10 years, but I did not see it listed in
your guide to B-movies. Any interesting information on that one?
And yes, I am already aware that Anna Falchi is knock-out.
I
must admit, though I am intersted in your opinion on what I
asked, I was just looking for an excuse to say that you seem like
a good guy and I miss your show. You're the best Joe Bob, take
care,
Andrew Kachaturian
Santa Ana, CA
Dear Andrew,
My guide to B movies is something I have to update whenever I
have the time, which is why there are alarming gaps in it. As to
whether you could put out "Cemetery Man" on DVD, I
don't know. I think there's only a brief window of time when
re-releases are "cool," no matter how much additional
commentary you ladle on, but it's interesting to me that people
seem to be so insatiable for behind-the-scenes stuff.
Anyway, yes, I think the "Scream" movies are good for
horror in general, although they're not really horror movies.
They're whodunits. Whodunits were all but dead, so Wes
Craven should really be taking credit for bringing back the
whodunit detective story.
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
You were the first to e-mail me and I adore you for it! (You
answered my e-mail about you helping to make my boyfriends
jealous...?) Anyway, I really miss seeing you on T-V. Not only
did they take you off of TNT but in Corbin, Ky, there's no comedy
network so, no "daily show". How can I possibly
fullfill my need to hear you and giggle at your "wit"?
I tried to log on the galaxynet as radgirlio (I'm a radio news
announcer) but they never let me talk and you apparently didn't
see my questions?! Anyway, I'm still a fan. I would love to hear
your comments on Robert Deniro..next to Ian McKellan, my favorite
actor! (not counting you, of course!!!) Hang in there...I'll be
watching and listening to see if there's some way I can support
your return to TV land.
with adoration,
Shirley Williams
Corbin, KY
Dear Shirley,
Well of course there's a way. Talk about me on the NEWS every
day.
On second thought, maybe that's not a good idea.
"Day 41: Joe Bob still unemployed. In more upbeat news . .
."
How many boyfriends do you HAVE anyway? You Kentucky girls, I
know ALL about you.
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Hi! I'm a 19 year old fan from Tampa, FL and I've always enjoyed
your acting skills. So what happened to MonsterVision? I
always enjoyed watching you every Saturday night and now I'm
robbed of it :( What have you been doing lately? Any new
projects?
Cherie Lynn Dysard
Tampa, FL
Dear Cherie,
Oh no, darlin, you're WAY BEHIND on the news. You need to go to
my website and read the "Advice to the Hopeless"
section and you'll get the whole sad story of what happened to
"MonsterVision." In a nutshell, they
fired me!
And yes, I have a bunch of new projects, some of which I'll be
announcing shortly.
Joe Bob
hello joe bob,
I cant believe monster vision is over, this is a tragedy to all
of television entertainment. what the hell am i going to do
now after drinking a 12 pack and caught surfing through the
channels on saturday night? anyway, i want to thank you for some
great times and big freakin laughs.
dallas campbell
cameron, WV
Dear Dallas,
After a 12-pack, you need what EVERY single guy needs on the
weekend. The Showtime late-night soft-core SEX FLICK!
I'm surprised I have to explain these things.
Joe Bob
Subject:
I wanna tell you why SUVs bug you I finally figured it out. It's
because SUVs are, as they're used, non-functional.
Okay, they are supposed to be all-terrain, 4 wheel drive
vehicles. But they are used by yuppies to drive to the friggn
mall. They are never dirty; they never go cross country. They
ought to have mud on 'em and something strapped on top. Now, a
great big Buick (2 lanes wide, holes in the side - R.E. Keen)
with 300hp, will give you a nice ride and freeze your butt
off if you want. That is FUNCTIONAL.
A van with a name on the side (Reality Church, Ajax Plumbing) is
functional. A van with mom and dad and four kids is not; they
ought to be in a station wagon. A van with a bunch of crap in the
back is functional. A 20 year old van with a family living
in it may be functional, but I still don't approve. Maybe it's
miss-functional; they ought to be in a tent. Or maybe it's just
plain ugly.
A pickup truck, with an empty bed, and all shinny, is not
functional. A pickup with a bale of hay and a saddle in the bed
is functional. I don't have a saddle but I bought a bale of hay
for $4.00 for mine.
I hope you appreciate this psycho-analysis. As for the rest of
your neuroses, I'll have to ponder that for a while. May need
help from Dr. Laura.
Regards,
Michael Cremin
World Observer and Pundit
Dear Michael,
What happened to that car that looked like a truck? Wouldn't that
be an excellent solution? What was it? An El Camino?
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
About the '71 HEMI CUDA and "ONLY 2 EVER MADE". They're
referring to CONVERTIBLES. I was fortunate enough to own the last
production Hemi Cuda ever made, a hardtop. I ordered it in May of
71. It was delivered with a few 72 parts installed. THE 426 CUBIC
INCH HEMI ENGINE WAS NOT OFFERED AFTER THE 1971 MODEL YEAR.
That's why the 71 HEMI CUDA is so valuable. Keep up the great
show. You help ease the sorrow of losing the great Cleveland
monster show host, GOULARDI.
Regards,
Doug Palinkas
Mentor, OH
Dear Doug,
So it was YOUR car that drove up all the insurance rates and
caused Plymouth to stop making the super-hoss Hemi Cudas forever.
It's all YOUR fault.
Joe Bob
Dear
Joe Bob,
Give
us a caption contest! We truly miss the biting wit that comes
with such fun! You don't even have to give prizes! We just want
to try to be funny!
Pretty good deal. You give us a contest. We ask for no prizes.
Everybody wins!
Pat
McCauley
Dear Pat,
But if I didn't give prizes, whatever would I do with all the
junk I have in my closet?
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
LOVE your show, but would like to see a movie I saw when I was a
kid. It was called 'Humanoids From the Deep', and it's about a
sea monster who came ashore and got women pregnant with baby
monsters. I'd love if you could find it for me...I've yet to see
it in any video store. Thanks a million....
Lori Moore
Aliquippa, PA
Dear Lori,
You're one of the few remaining fans of "Humanoids from the
Deep," which I haven't seen in YEARS. Thanks for reminding
me of it, and thanks for the nice words, hon.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Hey! Joe Bob,
My freinds and i were partying last weekend and we saw that
freaky movie what was it.... The Dead Zone? Yeah, well that movie
was cool, but Christopher Walken is freaky. Have you seen Sleepy
Hallow? He is even freakier in that. Well, anyway we were talking
about you the other night, and I was talking about how you were a
doctor or something in a movie. Didn't you play a doctor in a
movie? Tell me you did, because my friends think i'm crazy. How
many movies have you been in? I have a question, do you pick out
the movies that are shown or does some programming weirdos do
that? I can say that because my brother is a programming weirdo
at a local station. I have one request. Can you show a Scott
Cohen movie? The movie Ripper is suppose to be really good, i
don't know if it is scary but Scott Cohen is really cute. Oh,
yeah, my friends and i think your kinda cute yourself. Oh, yeah
can you send me an autograph? My friends didn't think i would
email you. Thanks.
-Tara Shipp
Salisbury, MO
P.S. Do you know a good place to got for Spring Break?
Dear Tara,
Yeah, my apartment!
Only kidding.
You're thinking of "Face/Off," in which I play the evil
torturing doctor in the prison.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
You looked wonderful as you discussed BTVL (remember, she got it
from Angel on the TV series, Bib Guy:-) We want your drive-in
totals for 'Modern Vampires' with Natasha Gregson Wagner and
Casper Van Dien. Take care, Handsome. Fangs for the vampire
movies.
Love,
Dr. Monica Schwab and Hillary Miller B.I.S.
Mesa, AZ
Dear Hillary and Monica,
Okay, that was a weird letter. Are you both vampires? Does B.I.S.
stand for Bachelor of Incisor Studies? I thought so!
Preciate the support, girls.
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Since your from Texas, I thought you might like this joke: What
is Governor Bush's favorite Texas city? Kilgore. Okay, its kinda
stupid. Anyhoo, I was wondering what the chances are of ever
seeing the BasketCase movies on Monstervision? Love your show!
Melissa Hohle
Houston, TX
Dear Melissa,
Well *I* laughed.
And the answer to your question is that a) the "Basket
Case" movies have already been on "Monster
Vision," and b) there's no way in hell TNT would ever show
em again.
Joe Bob
Joe
Bob,
I'm not writing to offer you my condolences on being canned from
TNT. No, you're better off without them. Ted (and I don't mean
Raimi) is an incompetent megalomaniac who you are better off not
being associated with. And they never understood you, either... I
think it's pretty obvious. For example, towards the end of your
time on TNT, there was an evening where they showed Christine
early on, and then you came on and were being forced to host
Beaches. (Um, maybe it wasn't Beaches... but you get the point.)
I sincerely hope you soon find your niche on a broadcasting
station that understands you.
Anyway, the reason I write is to try to find a transcript of
yours which I'm pretty sure exists. I remember once about a year
ago, you read a letter on the air from a prison inmate who was in
awe of the comparison you made between zombie-films and the
existentialist philosophy. As a HUGE fan of all things
zombirific, I would love to either hear more about this theory or
be directed to a transcript where you first made this
observation.
Thanks, and I have faith that we'll all be seeing you on the air
again soon!
Joel Levin
New York City, NY
Dear Joel,
Wow! You've stumped me about something that I myself said. I'm
gonna have to send somebody into the archives to find that
Joe Bob
Joe Bob-
What the hell was going on there? All I could make out was a
stupid little girl being chased around by a bunch of wolves and a
freaky looking anorexic guy who shot dogs out of his mouth. hen
she turns into a wolf, and then she isn't a wolf, but then she's
back in modern times, but the wolves are still here, and they
come crashing through the window, and she's all scared, and I'm
banging my head on the table cause it don't make no sense.
If I wanted to see a movie I didn't understand I'd go watch Hugh
Grant. I expect to be able to walk in in the middle of a movie
and pick it up. If I see Stallone killing Comy pinko swine, I
know what's going on. If I see some amazing collosal man guy
running around, I've got a pretty dern good idea of what he's
doing. But this movie-hell, it didn't even have a single giant
man, or zombie, or even a gun to blow these shmucks away with.
I'll tell you what they need to do-they need to replace the girl
with Frank Stallone, automatically making it into a comedy. Or
get Sly in there to, and have him kill Frank. That way it's
still confusing, but at least there're explosions and guns, which
overrides the confusing part. I'm off. Think I'll go see if I can
find a python in the snow filled woods.
Anthony Fransella
Winter Park, FL
Dear Anthony,
Do you think there's something wrong with me? I identified with
the wolf.
Joe Bob
Joe bob,
Congratulations on another great show! First "Skeeter was
one of the worst horror movies ever made but it did make both I
and my brother howl with laughter. Also, your comments were
honestly my excuse for sitting through the entire film. Oh, and I
agree with you, absolutely too much plot and not enough
face-eating mosquito shots! Thanks for another memorable Saturday
night!
Dana Estes
Lewisport, KY
Dear Dana,
Do you realize you may be the only person in the universe
(besides me, of course) to appreciate the genius of
"Skeeter"?
Joe Bob
Hey, Joe Bob.
Got to thinking about the crazy symbolism in that movie Company
of Wolves. You were talking about those crying baby statues that
hatched from the blue eggs. I'm kinda steeped on werewolf lore
myself, and I've never heard of anything even closely resembling
the psychosis I watched last night. Anyway, the only thing I
could figure out with those crying baby statue things was that it
was all about repressed sexual desire. Rosalie (who I can't
believe was only 13. Still in denial.) went out for a walk with
the kid with the weird nose. He kissed her, tried to impose his
will upon her, and she ran away. She stood at the tree and
thought about it for a while. So, she made a choice. She climbs
the tree to get away from danger. She gets up in the tree and
finds the eggs, which hatch and inside are baby statues. She digs
these things and takes one home. She shows it to her mother and
it begins to cry. The only thing I get out of that is the eggs
represent her naive self, and the eggs hatching represent her
being made aware of sex and all, like coming out of your shell.
The babies inside were her innocence, virginity, whatever. So,
she shows her mother that she's still innocent. Her mother is
very pleased, but her inner child (kid in the egg) is weeping
with regret. Just like to say for the record that the guy who
came up with this stuff is a certifiable psycho. Or maybe it's
just because it's a British film. I don't know, but this was
without a doubt one of the weirdest films I've ever stayed up
late to watch.
Chris Akers
Quincy, IL
Dear Chris,
Well, I guess I know what you mean, but usually sex and innocence
don't go together. So if she's innocent, she ain't gonna be
birthin no babies.
Joe Bob
hi,
i just watched the minion on usa network. i think you're show
could do i justice. there's a huge body count, lots of fight
scenes with swords and guns, a priest and a beautiful girl, a
nuclear power plant, people possessed by the devil and lots of
other fun stuff. the cast includes dolph lundgren, francoise
robertson, and roc lafortune it's kinda cheesy in a fun kind of
way. i think you'd enjoy it.
Bonnie Harlow
Portland, ME
Dear Bonnie,
Any movie starring Dolph sounds great to me. I'll check it out.
|