 ARCHIVE - 001
Joe
Bob,
Okay
here we go! The movie I was referring to was the original version
of "House on Haunted Hill". I recently saw the
1999-2000 version, and my father stated that there was an earlier
version like back in the sixties or something. He also stated
that the original version was much scarier than than 1999-2000
version. My question was "Can you confirm that there was an
original, and if so, is it possible for you to air it on
Monstervision?" If you can can you give me an approximate
date that it will air because I work on Saturday from 10 am- 7 pm
( ET). Thanks!
Hope Booker
Dear Hope,
You're trying to recall the 1959 "House on Haunted
Hill" starring Vincent Price. He invites several guests to
his creepy house and offers $10,000 to whoever can remain there
until morning. The film is mostly known for being one of the
gimmick films of William Castle, the guy who would rig theater
seats with buzzers and vibrators that went off during the scary
parts.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Could it be?? Saturday nights on TMC haven't been the same. I
mean, I meeeeean....(obscure Arlo Guthrie reference there....), I
realize that Joe Bob is on TNT and that is all fine and good,
etc. But it is somehow not quite the same. Anyway, I heard
someone say there has been talk of the show returning to
commercial free cable. What's the deal?
John Mayne
Palos Verdes Estates, CA
Dear John,
I don't know who started the rumor, but I'm afraid the answer is
nope. As much as I love my former colleagues at The Movie
Channel--had lunch with one of them just last fall--I don't
really have any plans to go back there and they don't really have
hosts anymore. But I like the way you think!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
My name is Mary Schlotte and I am a member of the Metropolitan
Winds. I'm not sure if you remember me because I know you met a
lot of people that weekend.
I've played clarinet with the ensemble for over 5 years now and
the July 9 concert was by far the most enjoyable experience I've
had with the group so far.
Even though the concert was entertaining in its own right, you
made it even more enjoyable by emceeing the program in a very
well prepared yet humorous manner.
Sincerely,
Mary Schlotte
Carrollton, TX
Dear Mary,
Well, thank you SO much, darlin. I'm always a little bit in awe
of musicians, so that was definitely the most enjoyable thing
I've done in a long long time. And you guys were great. When I
occasionally turned around and saw that the band was laughing, I
thought we'd hit the right chord.
I can't wait to do something else with the Winds.
All my best,
Joe Bob
I knew some day this would happen, if Billionare Ted had any
brains he would have given you a blank lifetime contract.
When I saw on the monstervision web site you were leaving I
couldn't believe it, Saturday night will never be the same.
Although i work Saturday night I always taped the show not even
for the movie but just to watch you and enjoy your humor and
especially the jokes at the end of the show. You have a lot of
fans at the Postal Service. (that's where I work ). Thank You for
laughs and I hope to see you again very soon.
Larry
Mignoli
Weehawken, New Jersey
Dear Larry,
I do appreciate that support, since I've intentionally designed
much of my material to appeal to the disgruntled postal employee.
I don't know what I'll be doing, but I've gotten a few calls and
I think it'll work out.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hey Joe Bob,
When you were showing "In the Company of Wolves," you
were vexed by the eggs hatching the statuettes. The bird who flew
out of that nest looked a lot like a stork to me. I'm thinking
the eggs have something to do with the myth about where babies
come from. Now just exactly what that has to do with wolves or
werewolves, I have no idea.
Keep it coming,
Bonnie Morrison
Dear Bonnie,
Well, at least that would explain where baby STATUES come from.
Thanks for the tip, but I think I'll keep searching.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Just to help you out for the next time you are asked about
Ghoulardi t-shirts and what nots. The Ghoul out of Cleveland,
Ohio wears them all the time (big fan of his, as well as I was
also) and he tells during his show where to purchase the shirts.
Shops are found in Cleveland but you can order from the Ghoul,
WBNX/WB (channel 55 for those who live in Ohio). Next, I'd like
to emphasize how much I enjoy your show. I have seen practically
every thing you show, but it is your personality that makes
me watch the movie for the 25th time. I actually get very grouchy
on Saturday nights if it looks like I am going to miss part of
your show. Love the drive-in totals! Don't ever leave as the
host, or TNT will lose a viewer. Seriously...you are great!
Thanks for your time.
Brenda Kyle
Lexington, OH
Dear Brenda,
Thanks for that very practical information. Are these Ghoulardi
T-shirts authentic? Because I think Ghoulardi lost his job in
1963 and that was really before the T-shirt era!
At any rate, thanks for the nice words, darlin. You made my day.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Hi Joe Bob
Love your show, you are one funny guy a great guy to drink a beer
with. By the way my husband once was with a woman who looked just
like Linnea Quigley except this woman was chubbier and not as
pretty. I saw your pay per view special you had a few years back
where you voted for your favorite scream queen. My husband and I
Voted for Linnea. Have a good weekend and may you never be
saddled with another ex-wife.
regards
sylvia
Dear Sylvia,
That was awfully decent of you to vote for the scream queen who
reminded your husband of an ex-girlfriend.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
How come you're still listed on the masthead of the DOOR even
though they treat you like a redheaded stepchild? And who do you
think you're kidding with that other alias on the Daily Show?
Huh??
Bill Crown
Sacramento, CA
Bill,
Well, if I would ever turn in a column or an article like I'm
SUPPOSED to, they'd probably treat me with more respect over at
The Door. So it's kinda like, uh, my fault.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Job Bob,
I'm a staunch supporter of MonsterVision, and in fact have a link
to your web site on my "Haunted Halloween Castle . . .
Welcome!" web page. I've come to recognize you as a man of
discerning taste when it comes toentertainment, and hope to bring
a just discovered web site to your attention.
It's at: http://www.driveintheater.com/
Nope, I don't have any stake in that web site. I'm just a fellow
lover of drive-in theaters (and believe you are too). So I wanted
to bring this site to your attention, and to request that you
devote a small portion of some of your upcoming Spring episodes
to the joys of going to the drive-in for some good old grade B
movies.
Sincerely,
Caryl Milton
aka Mistress Caryl
Oak Ridge, TN
Dear Mistress Caryl,
Yes, I'm very familiar with the Drive In Theater website
andfrequently use it to plan my drive-in expeditions. Thanks for
letting me know about YOUR website, too. I especially liked the
part about Transylvanian castles.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Dear Joebob,
When I heard you were leaving it made me sad. You are
sooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome and don't mind me saying your
very cute. I watch you every Saturday. But it's not worth
watching if your not there. So please don't go.
Love Always
Aleesha
Dear Aleesha,
Thanks for making me feel popular, hon, but it wasn't my
choice.TNT were meanies!
And thanks for those nice words. You made my day.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear
Joe Bob,
Just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed the "Koyaanisqatsi"
reference during your Monstervision presentation of
"Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice".
I go to a super-liberal arts college in the Northwest that is
very big on environmentalism, and was forced to watch "Koyaanisqatsi"
last year. I promptly fell asleep five minutes into the film, and
when I woke up (after what seemed like days), the entire class
was applauding the film. I, on the other hand, was left wondering
if I would ever be able to get that hour and a half of my life
back. So, I was very happy to hear you ribbing the film, and
pleased to know that I am possibly not the only one who hated it.
Personally, I would have rather watched "Children of the
Corn II" in class.
I really enjoy your show, and I will be sad to see you leave TNT.
Good luck to you in whatever you do next!
Sincerely,
Cara Miller
Phoenix, AZ
Dear Cara,
Okay, let's do this in your best basso voice. All together now:
"Koy yahn is COTT see."
Now let's join hands and sing "Kum Ba Yah" and spill
our guts.
What super-liberal college would that be? What are you taking
there?
All my best,
Joe Bob
What in the world is Joe Bob doing! He has never ask for a review
copy of Don and Susan Sanders, the world's greatest drive-in
movie authorities, new book Drive-in Movie Memories. All he has
to do is ask. For a sneak preview of the cover, visit:
http://www.americandrivein.com
.
Man and woman in waiting,
Don and Susan Sanders
Dallas, TX
Dear Don and Susan,
You mean I'm not on your Automatically Gets a Free Copy So He Can
Promote The Hell Out of It freebie list? I'm hurt. Of
COURSE I want a copy.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Subject: the company of wolves
I love this movie. It's so pointless, but it seems like it should
mean something. I first saw it when I was 18, long, long ago.
I'll give my interpretation of some of the symbolism. It was
probably just filler.
Little Red found the nest in the tree that belonged to the witch
who turned the Victorian snots into werewolves. That witch
apparently lived up there. The mirror symbolized teen vanity, the
lip rouge symbolized attempts to attract the opposite sex, and
the babies in eggs represented her fertility. So girls, beware if
you are concerned about your looks and try to attract, you may
succeed . . . then you're knocked up and the fun's over! All the
snakes and wolves in the big scary forest when she walked alone
were obvious. Men can be both snakes and wolves. Don't stray from
the path, little girl, or you could meet shady characters, who
can be charming, sweet-talkers that are only hairy on the inside.
blah blah blah. I guess the ending with the wolves crashing
through her windows, etc. and china dolls breaking could mean
leaving childish things behind, looking through a glass darkly,
becoming wild...??? I don't know. Why did the Grandmother's head
shatter like a doll's? The whole loss of innocence and invasion
thing was really cool, though. I enjoyed the surrealism and could
really relate to this movie because my ex-husband was rather like
the werewolf in the tale.
Show more confusing and bizarre flicks, please. I'm so tired of
slasher films.
Some day I'll send a list of favorites. Love your show! You are
great!
Sally Lockhart
Phoenix, AZ
Dear Sally,
Thanks for that fairly intricate analysis of "Company of
Wolves." So what you're saying is, it's a Lifetime
Network sorta thing? Us guys just AREN'T gonna get it, are we?
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Mr. JoeBob,
I have seen your many times on your "night show" on TNN.
It is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. I get so annoyed that I
can't even watch the movie that I wanted to finish watching,
because you're stupid face keeps appearing on the screen and you
keep talking and telling the dumbest jokes I've ever heard. I
know for a fact that you are losing people to watch the movies on
TNN at night because YOU'RE on!!! You need to get off of TNN
because I feel like shooting my TV when you're face appears and
you start talking. I can't stand it anymore. I've been meaning to
write to you Mr. JoeBob and tell you all of my anger towards your
stupid jokes. Oh, by the way, get a new voice!
Yours Truly
Amy Fauver
Dear Amy,
You'll be happy to know that they've already fired me so you can
watch that "night show" on TNN in peace.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob
What ever happened to joe bobs hollywood saturday night? Also,
why did you leave monstervision? There wasn't even a going away
party. Did the officials at TNT boot you?
Please Respond,
Jayson Leyh
P.S. I need lots of info.
Dear Jayson,
Yes, they booted me. I guess it's kind of confusing because the
message they're giving out to the public indicates maybe I left
voluntarily. "Hollywood Saturday Night" was something
they wanted me to do, but they never really supported it. Anyway,
go into the chatroom on the website. There are people in there
who know the whole long story, and I'm kinda tired of repeating
it.
All my best!
Joe Bob
Joe
Bob,
Have
you done any research on your family ancestors. My grandmother on
my fathers side was named Lula Briggs. She had 2 sisters Lydia
and Olivia and a brother Will Briggs. Family came from South
Carolina to Norman Ok around 1892.
Bob Bumgarner
Dear Bob,
There's so much mixed-up white trash in my heritage that we could
very well be related, but I seem to remember most of my people
coming from Scotland via West Virginia via East St. Louis.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hi, Joe Bob
Here is my interpretation of the symbolism of the weird, crying
baby statuettes in "Company of Wolves." Okay, if the
whole thing (wolves, red cloak, red lipstick, etc.) is symbolic
of the young girl's burgeoning sexuality, the eggs in the nest
represent birth. So the babies represent her future ability to
have infants. At least that's what I got out of it.
Also, wasn't the village boy who was always trying to mack on her
in "Legend"? He looked awfully familiar...
-Mandy Foster
Ft. Worth, TX
Dear Mandy,
Are you telling me the village boy goes wanders from one cheesy
British fantasy movie to the next?
Interesting analysis. Thanks.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
hi,
i'm katie i live in oklahoma and im in 7th grade. i watched that
show last night it was about that girl and the wolves well don't
worry cuz i still don't get those freaking statues i mean what
the heck did they have to do with the story? and y would she want
to be a wolf? and was there a single place with no freaking
trees? i like trees but not too many. and man that boy was a dog!
not to be mean. i dont understand the movie ether tho. o,ya hey i
heard your blonde joke it was pretty funny except i'm a blonde.
well c-ya
Katie Pierce
Dear Katie,
Well, if a blonde can't figure it out, who can?
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
What happened. I turn on TNT to watch you and the exorcist, and
your not there. Then I go to the website, and it says you are no
longer there. Well, their loss. Saturday night will not be
the same without you, but I am counting the days until you are
back on t.v. Try HBO.
Chris "B-Freak" Greenfeather
Dear Chris,
Well, it's a long story, but the bottom line is, I'm not there.
Unfortunately, HBO doesn't have any movie hosts. I'm running out
of places to work! Help!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hello,
Mr. Briggs, I don't watch television very much, but I did catch
one of your drive-ins (Mosquito!), and I haven't been able to
catch the show since. Would you tell me if you are still on
TNT and if so what time. If you are not on TNT, would you tell me
where I can find your show.
Thank you,
Angela
Angela,
My last night on TNT was a couple weeks ago, and I don't have a
new show yet, but thanks for asking! If you'll check in at my
website, I'll keep you up to date on everything, and if you'll
send me your postal mailing address, I'll not only let you know
when I'm going to be doing appearances in your area, but I'll
come to your house and pretend that I'm hosting the movie.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
I
will miss seeing you on TNT. Turner TV must be crazy. You
are a very funny person and I hope you are back on the tube soon.
Life is very slow here in Otis and you were the high light of my
week. (Sad I know). I did see you on a rerun of married
with children how did you keep a strait face.
Linda Rushing
Linda,
Life is slow in Otis? I find that hard to believe!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Now at least I know WHY I haven't seen yer mug for ages on TNT..
but why the hell did you stop showing the good stuff and go to
all that Mainstream Holly(sell-out)wood crap??? I'm sorry you
left.. I don't think I wanna even think about the crappy
replacement they may have in store for us,... Can you tell me why
the hell ya left? The main reason we tuned in every goddamn week
was to hear and see what you had to say!!!
DoggyDaddi
James Robinson
New Albany, IN
Dear DoggyDaddi,
Well, I don't know exactly why they fired me, but I know
they were retooling and rethinking and reshaping the whole
network for a couple years now, trying to attract those
BMW-driving girls in the black pantyhose. Why would a network
whose number one show is professional wrestling do that? I have
no idea!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Sorry
you got canned. You know what?- Hell with them boys. You are a
god of b movie TV, & when the revolution comes I will make
you Minister of Television. I will have my hands full, cutting
off heads for the first few weeks when I seize control , so don't
forget to remind me I promised you a Cabinet posistion. You can
have a few lesbo's, too.
Your Fan,
Alex Thompson, next door to Salem ( where they killed a bunch of
witches
a few hundred years a go).
Marblehead, MA
Dear Alex,
Does that mean you're offering to cut off the heads of a few
lesbos, or GIVE me a few lesbos? Important distinction.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
We got a prob here in SF. They're closing Japantown Bowl, the
last large bowling center in San Francisco. This is about the
only place you can have sleazy fun here without taking your
clothes off. They want the space to rent out to tourist shops.
Seems I remember you went to bat about drive-ins. Did you run
across anyone who fought bowling alley closures?
I spent some time in San Antonio in the early 70s while they were
training me to be a medic in Viet Nam. I have many pleasant
thoughts about Kelly's bar on the River Walk, Brackenridge Park,
and Pearl's restaurant. Hope they're still around.
Any help you can provide will be greatly appreciated.
JC Halstead
Dear JC,
Well, if you have any tourist-phobia at all, you will NOT want to
return to San Antonio to revisit your old Riverwalk haunts. We're
talking major Disneyfication down there.
But, yes, I have bowled a few lines at the Japantown alleys and
I'm sorry to hear that some scum-sucking capitalists don't
appreciate what they have there. Maybe we can round up a few
recruits among my friends in the San Francisco Tiki community and
put some pressure on the Japaheenos who have forgotten their
roots.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob:
I am a partner in a law firm in NYC, and I really love your show.
You should see the bewildered looks on my clients faces when I
tell them that I stay up until 4:00 am watching B horror films
hosted by a guy sitting in front of a trailer sipping a can of
beer and telling jokes.
Is it true that TNT fired you? If they did, who should I write at
TNT to tell them they are idiots? I also blame TNT for scheduling
your show later and later on Saturday nights, and reducing the
show from 2 films to only 1. Didn't it formerly come on at 10 or
11 pm, and have 2 films?
Best regards and good luck in all your endeavors,
Christopher McKenzie
New York, NY
Dear Chris,
Well, yeah, you kinda summed up the whole format and sordid
history of my stint on "MonsterVision." I had a
four-year run and the high sheriffs were not too keen on the show
and so they canned my butt.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Sirs,
Will Joe Bob still get any / all his past Monstervision mail??
Hope he'll see a drawing I did......does he get many drawings and
such?
Larry
Larry,
Yeah, bud, so far they're sending me all the mail. I hope they
keep it up. But I missed your drawing. How long ago? As to
drawings, yeah, I DO get quite a few, and some of them are
excellent and some of them are, well, some of them are drawings.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob:
If you really moved to El Lay that's like selling out to the SUV
owners. Sheeet, might as well get urself an SUV. And forget
the Humvee; U aint gonna be no El Lay star with a Humvee ... need
a Beemer out there. If they gots a Beemer SUV, then that's the
ticket; U could be an El Lay star with a sissy vehicle like that.
But don't get near my 454 dually in a wusss vehicle like that.
I'll run ya off the durn road.
AND
JB, if I catch U in some wuss vehicle, talkn on a friggn cell
phone, ...umm... then I might just vaporize ya with my phaser.
That's assuming I can get a phaser at some gun show. Might have
to settle for a bazooka; but you'll still be WAYYY off the road
after Ur hit.
Joe Bob: Say it aint so. (that's real similar to a famous old
baseball line, BTW) Say you didn't move to El Lay. Say U aint
never gonna buy an SUV and aint never gonna talk on a cell phone
in public.
Regards,
your somewhat dubious fan
Michael F. Cremin
Houston, TX
Dear Michael,
What? Huh? Whatever you've been drinkin, I want the recipe.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Thank goodness you are finally back with a web site all your own!
I've been so busy lately that I hadn't had a chance to visit the
old Monstervision site in a while, clicked on it and discovered
you had left. Imagine my fear at first followed by absolute
gusto when I saw that your new web page was up. Hell, I still
have the old one in my Favorites! LOL
Anyway, I was tickled to see you here. And I plan to add a link
to the page on my page the next time I redo it which should be
later this week. Yes, Vidoecorner (which you may or may not
recall) is still up and running, giving folks reviews for the
latest videos released, asking only is it entertaining, not
enlightening. Ha.
So if you ever get the chance to check it out, don't be lookin
for a lawyer to zap this no money operation because they used
your title page gif. I use it so that people will know far and
wide of the legendary Joe Bob Briggs. Is that enough suckin up?
*grin*
If ya get the chance, here it is: http://nt1.decaturnet.com/videocorner
By
the way, this address is set for anything that automatically
kicks in. The address I normally use is listed below. Take
care of yourself and never forget, "the Drive In will never
die".
Mark Turner
Decatur, IN
Dear Mark,
Indiana should be proud to have a drive-in-loving town like
Decatur. Thanks for keeping the gospel alive.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hello, Joe Bob/John...
I'm Steve Persall, film critic for the St. Petersburg Times, and
you are one of the reasons I got into this business. That, plus
my dad running drive-ins and indoor theaters during my formative
years. I'd like to ask a favor, please.
The last drive-in in our county (except the Jesus-flick venue I'm
not counting) is closing on June 30. The 28th Street Drive-In has
been in business for 50 years and I've been bombarded with calls
and messages from complaining patrons. I'm doing a big, nostalgic
spread to mourn its passing.
I would really appreciate your imput for this article. Why is it
so sad to see a drive-in die? What are the chances forthem to
become "trendy" again in today's world? Some kind of
Joe Bob-style eulogy remarks would really raise this story to
another level. I'd be just proud to be contacted from a hero my
own self.
Thanks for considering my request.
Steve Persall
St. Petersburg, FL
Dear Steve,
I'm so sorry I didn't get your email until after the 28th Street
Drive-In had expired. I would have wanted to be there. Did they
at least play "Taps" or "Rock Around the
Clock" or something?
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Man, I had a bad feeling when they dumped your "prime
time" show and then moved Monstervision to all hours of the
morning. And I guess I was right. But tell me what happened,
buddy. Did you break their heart or they did they break yours?
Seriously, what happened? Why'd you leave Monstervision? (There's
no point watching now). Are you going to start a new show
somewhere else? (I'd love to see you back on pay cable where you
can truly "speak your mind").
TELL ME! (please)
Your devoted and disappointed fan,
Timothy O'Rawe
Palm Beach Gardens, FL
Dear Tim,
I've been asked this question in a thousand different ways
recently, and I really can't tell you what they were thinking
when they canned me. Nobody at the network called me. They just
called my agent and had a "just business" tone. One
thing I do know is that TNT had become a very unhappy place over
the last couple years. The employees are a little restless, and
that usually means they don't trust the bosses.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hi JoeBob,
I'm a big fan of yours and have watched your show on TNT every
sat night for the past five years. I was very upset when I found
out tonight that you have left monstervison. I would just like to
know why you left and will you be doing another show instead.
keep me informed.
Your Fan
Vince
Dear Vince,
Thanks for being so inquisitive. I was very upset, too! I don't
know exactly what I'll be doing, TV-wise, but you can keep up
with my plans by checking in at the website regularly. I feel
fairly confident that I WILL be doing a tour within the year.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Thanks for answering my my e-mail. One thing this new website
could use is a caption contest, the one at Monstervision was a
lot of fun, even when I didn't get mentioned. Hang in there,
Justin Case
Dear Justin,
This sounds like a project for Webmistress Maggie, and I'll
suggest it to her right away. God knows we've got a million
photos to use.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
I have been a Monstervision fan for years. I have been on
vacation overseas for the last month, and upon my return, I
learned that you had left Monstervision. I cannot tell you how
much this upsets me. I always looked foward to your show. PLEASE
tell me that you have another show in the works. At another
network perhaps? It saddens me even more to know that I missed
your last show. I really hope that you have other projects lined
up. The subject line in my message says it all. The drive-in has
died.
Your Loyal Fan,
Michael Staley
Dear Michael,
Oh come on, it can't be THAT bad. I have to say, I was never this
popular when I HAD a show.
But, yes, I'm trying to find something else. Keep checking the
website and I'll let you know what I'm doing.
Hang
in there,
Joe Bob
Hey, man.
I was sitting here watching the Exorcist, when I
realized....there's no JoeBob.
I'm glad I watched last week's Children of the Corn II, so I was
able to watch your last episode. Did you not know it was going to
be your last when you filmed it, or did you simply choose not to
say any goodbye's on the screen?
All I know is that it just isn't the same without you sitting
there talking about the movie.
But, as the old saying goes, Life Goes On. I just hope there'll
be another show that'll star you sitting there talking about
movies, again. Maybe it'll be on FoX or some other station that
doesn't butcher the movies to holy hell.
Which basically is what the film industry is doing to itself. I'm
almost disgusted at the fact that they've taken the horror out of
horror movies. Now, a horror movie is made to gross people
out....no longer to scare the shit out of people, and make them
hide under the covers when they go home and think about the
movie. Plus, they've taken away the big breasted teenage girls
that die from having sex. We're living in a safe environment
now....no sex, and alot of blood and guts. What the hell is that?
Now, people are dying because they're in the wrong place at the
wrong time. Whatever happened to the....sex, you die.....drugs,
you die....fat, you die....virgin, you survive to live in misery
for the rest of your life knowing your friends were murdered?
Where did that go? Well, being that I plan on going to college to
become a director, it is my goal to bring back the suspense and
sheer terror of the horror movie. So, watch for my name in the
next couple of years. Hopefully, my friend and I can bring
back horror movies from this blood and guts state, to the
suspense, terror state that it was in Halloween and y the 13th.
I'm sure you're tired of reading this shit, so I'll let you go.
Talk to ya later, and Keep the Drive-In Alive! (maybe I'll do
that one day, also. bring back the drive-in...that's a teenage
experience I've missed out on because there's none around here)
Shaun Wilkinson
St. Amant, LA
Dear
Shaun,
They waited until I had already filmed the last episode to tell
me I was canned. I have no idea why they do stuff like that. You
would think that, just as a business ploy, they would want to
advertise "Last show! Last show!" to get higher
ratings. But apparently they didn't want me to know. Yes, I would
have loved to do a farewell show, if for no other reason, just to
have a chance to thank people.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hello
Joe Bob!
I think I saw you in 1987 on either cinemax or the movie channel.
Or were you on TNT at that time?
I agree with what Amanda said, that the TV schedule is mighty
light these days, and you had Saturday night pretty well covered.
They weren't exactly keeping you in a big supply of movies, were
they? I mean, Falling Down, come on. How come the biggest stars
are the least likely to use professional, talented writers (John
Travolta, Robin Williams)?
Mike
Dear Mike,
Because professional screenwriters create complex characters.
It's tough to be a movie star when you have to occasionally show
your jerkola side.
I started out on The Movie Channel.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Well,
they did it; they took you off the air. Don't know whose bright
idea that was, but we are NOT amused. O.K., so some of those
movies are pretty entertaining (some not so much) -- but you, JBB,
YOU were the real star, and you will be missed. Saturday night
without Joe Bob's wit, without Joe Bob's accent, without
Joe Bob's fu... we may just turn the dang T.V. OFF.
Thank God for websites; we won't be left completely JBB-bereft.
Keep it going, big guy, and thanks for the drive-in memories.
Affectionately,
Sammye Lee Jaquess
Dallas, TX
Dear Sammye Lee,
Don't act like I'm DEAD! It was not a good situation there
anyway.
But thanks for the amazing support. Everybody's making me feel
pretty good about this.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
I was saddened to see that you are leaving Monstervision.
YOU make the show, it won't be worth staying up late for anymore.
Are you leaving because you really want to? Do you have plans for
another show or are you going to pursue film parts? I hope so.
Well, I just wanted to let you know you'll be missed and I hope
to see you in something again soon!
Sincerely,
Brenda Magoffin
P.S. I'd thank-you for the autographed picture,but I never got
it. I have the worst luck! Would you check the space
between the wall and the desk for it? I keep checking
E-Bay......
Brenda,
Sometimes those autographed photos take forever to get through
the Soviet-style assembly-line process we have here. It's partly
because I insist that I actually DO sign all of them and
personalize them. How long ago did I tell you I sent it?
Thanks for making me feel like such a big shot. It's the good
thing about leaving a job.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hey Joe Bob,
I'm the other half of Lara's mad plan to put up a childfree web
site, one that makes childfree folks look like normal and nice
people, NOT an impression they're likely to get from SOME
quarters of the Web and Usenet...;) Thanks for the permission to
use your excellent piece on the joys of not having children of
your own, we will certainly link to you and put all the
appropriate copyright information etc.
Hey, I just got back from vacation and Lara, one of your biggest
fans, tells me Monstervision is officially over and done with. I
am so sorryo hear that, especially since it means now there is NO
good TV on on Saturday nights, which is important to us old farts
who don't party anymore and who spend too much time on the Net.
;) She was the one to turn us on to your show a few years ago and
we have very much enjoyed it...even my Significant Other learned
to like you, even though at first he didn't like the whole
redneck thing you had going there.
Well anyway, thanks for all the great laughs over the years and
dammit, let us know if you're going to have any new shows on
TV!!!
Sincerely,
Nicole Chardenet, a/k/a Frenchy & Jeff Schult
Newington, CT
Nicole,
Well, I'd love to get a new show on TV, but at this point I don't
know exactly what it'd be. I'm working on a satirical concept
with a writer friend of mine, and we might spring it on the world
this fall. But, of course, it takes forever to get anything on
the air.
At any rate, thanks for the support. It means a lot to me.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Dear Joebob,
Hello, hope you are well. Just wanted to say I have enjoyed your
show and wish you were staying on. Will they still keep
Monstervision? Since you dealt with movies so much joebob I have
to ask you a question. On August 11th 1977 here in the state of
Nebraska, Robert Williams shot Cathrine Brooks and Patty Mcgarrey
to death and he molested us kids at Cathy's and locked us up for
over 12 hours before the police found us. They caught Robert
Williams and put him on death row in nebraska for 20 years. He
was executed a couple of years ogo. Can you tell me if they would
ever plan to make a movie about him?? I just wanted to ask you
cause you know so much about movies. Well, I will miss you joebob
coolest guy I seen on tv in a lawn chair. Where you from joebob
cause I like your accent. At least you speak up when you talk and
I am hard of hearing I like the way you talk. Your real cool
joebob and good luck in the future.
Thanks,
Miss Bliss
Lincoln, Nebraska.
Dear Miss Bliss,
I never have heard about the Robert Williams murder case, but I
would say it's extremely unlikely that they would make a movie
about it, for two reasons. One, it's more than 20 years old, so
if they haven't done it by now, they probably won't. And more
important, filmmakers, and especially TV executives, are afraid
to make movies that show actual harm to children. I don't know
why. It seems like something we oughta be looking into.
At any rate, thanks for your kind remarks. I know that "MonsterVision"
was never close-captioned and I apologize! It wasn't my decision!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
So sorry to hear of the end of your "monstervision"
series. I look forward to it every week. Just wondering what's up
next for you. I will nd wonderful observations. Strange how real
life can be so comical. TNT just doesn't know when they have a
good thing going.
Kelly Light
Boiling Springs, PA
Kelly,
Thanks for those words of support, hon. It means a lot to me. As
a matter of fact, I don't really know what's next. But then I
haven't known what's next for many many years now, so it doesn't
bother me.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Hi Joe Bob,
I always enjoy seeing you on TV and in the movies. Thank you . I
have a question regarding Stephen King's movie
"Christine". The car's licence plate number is
CQB-241. I often have wondered if this had some trivia info.
attached to it. Perhalps it stands for something personal to Mr.
King ? Since the whole movie centers around camera shots of the
famous Fury, it's hard to believe the plate on the car is a
detail that has been overlooked as significant in some way.
Thank you for your time,
Melody Christiana
Austin, Tx
Dear Melody,
That's an excellent question, but I have no idea what the answer
is. It's probably a reference to the director John Carpenter's
life, because he tends to include personal reference points in
all his movies. But if you don't mind I'll post your question on
my website and I'm sure someone will know the answer.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
You were the best thing on TNT. Sometimes I'd fast forward
through the movie and just listen to your comments. I hope you
get back on TV. The world needs you,
Justin Case
Dear Justin,
No matter how great the show is, it's still . . . just TV!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe
Bob,
I really enjoyed this weeks showing of "Christine" on
Monstervision. However, I did prefer the novel to movie as is
often the case with films made based on Stephen King's works. I
was curious as to what your favorite film or made-for-tv movie of
King's was your favorite. I wonder if it could be "The
Stand". Just kidding. "The Stand" and
"Salem's Lot" are my two favorite works of King's that
were adapted to the screen.
I thought John Carpenter did a great job of directing
"Christine" and I hope to see more of his movies on
Monstervision. I grew up about 35 miles from his hometown of
Bowling Green, KY and have always gotten a kick out of the way he
inserts the names of streets, counties and local cities from here
in KY into his films. If you could see Smiths Grove you would get
a big kick out of the thought of a sanitarium being located
there. It is probably the antique store capital of this part of
the state.
I also wanted to let you know that it is good to see you back in
the trailer park. Being from Kentucky, I know a thing or two
about trailer parks and your's appears to be top notch. Keep up
the great work and I'll be watching.
Renee Keown
Scottsville, KY
Dear Renee,
I would say that the two best adaptations of Stephen King are
"Misery" and "The Shawshank Redemption," but
I also have a soft spot in my heart for "The Shining."
And thanks for the John Carpenter info, the stuff about how he
names stuff after towns in Kentucky. I had no idea!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Hi there! I was writing to say that I was watching "The
Stepfather" last night and had a little more information on
John List for you. List killed his mother who lived in an
apartment above the house as well as his wife and kids. With the
wife and kids he calmly waited at the kitchen table for them to
come home and then shot them each in the back with a shotgun.
After arranging their bodies he tried to move his mother's but
she was "too heavy" so he left her upstairs. In his
note thought he said that "mother was too heavy to
move" and something about where she was so they wouldn't
miss her. Considerate, huh? The theories were that he'd snapped
and thought his family was "disappointing" him by the
kids not being interested in church and I think one of the
daughters had been caught smoking pot among other things.
Seventeen years later he was caught when "America's Most
Wanted" aired a segment on the case complete with a newly
age-enhanced model of his skull. Calls immediately came in
because it IS almost eerie how much the model resembles him and
sure enough John was remarried and working as an accountant. He
was sentenced to five life sentences in the end. If you go to the
"America's Most Wanted" website ( http://www.amw.com
) and look at their past cases I think they still have a picture
of the clay bust.
At any rate I thought I'd give you more of the specifics. I'm
thrilled to see you back on Saturdays with the monster movies
because that means we'll get more high quality films like
"The Surgeon." God help us all!
Kathy Giles
Dear Kathy,
Thanks so much for that excellent information on John List, the
real-life stepfather. Now if you can only find the real-life
"surgeon" for me!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
I just wanted to tell you that I'm a woman and I love your show.
I've been watching you since you were on TMC years ago. You are
very funny and a very sexy man. You also are the greatest film
critic of all time. I love how you make comments during the movie
and point out dumb things in them. Keep up the good work and try
to show a few more horror movies than you do.
Your fan for life,
Dana Dee Newsom
Phoenix, AZ
Dear Dana Dee,
"Greatest film critic of all time"? Only "film
critic"?
Thanks for those nice words, hon. It's easier to forge forward
knowing you're behind me.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Hey Joe Bob,
This is for all those humorless people out there. I for one think
you're pretty darn funny. For those who don't, no one's forcing
them to watch. That's what the remote control is for . . .
change the channel people!
As for those rude emails . . . didn't their momma's teach them
the meaning of manners?? If you don't like something and want to
say so, fine. . . but be polite about it. You may not be a prize
yourself.
It's a good thing that there are more of us out here that can
laugh at ourselves than there are who can't. Otherwise we'd all
be stuck watching all the boring "PC cra*" instead of
having a good laugh with you, Joe Bob.
Keep up the great work. We love you!
Jen Edwards
Albany, NY
Dear Jen,
I'm running out of places to keep the work up, hon, but thanks
for the encouragement!
All my best,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
My girlfriend and I are CRUSHED you're leaving TNT. How's come?
Hope nothing serious and all is well with you.
Mark Lynch
Columbus, Ohio
Dear Mark,
Well, they just got sick of me, I guess. I have no idea. They
just called my agent and said they wouldn't be using a host
anymore. But I do appreciate the support.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
I can't believe your leaving Monster Vision. I must admit it
hasn't been as good as it used to. Any way, I want you to know
that I, a 15 year old, am so amused by you. Your great!
Everything you say (well most of it) is hilarious. My friends
think I'm crazy so I had them watch your show. They loved your
song (which they don't play any more). We are stuck in this beat
town so you would brighten up our Saturday nights. Any way, I'm
rambling.
Good luck in what ever you do.
Sincerely,
Nicole Frum
Hatboro, PA
Dear Nicole,
Thanks for those words of support, hon, but it wasn't MY fault
that the show got lame! They FORCED me to do all that stuff!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
(An
open letter to Samuel L. Jackson and John Singleton).
I have seen all your films and have admired how you have
progressed from initially stereotypical African-American roles
(like the "crackhead" in "Jungle Fever") to
everyday people ("Rosewood" and "A Time To
Kill") and even heroic characters ("The
Negotiator" and "Die Hard 3"). So it was that I
went to see "Shaft" with my 16-year-old son. I loved
the movie, but was horrified to see that every single Latino
character was a criminal drug dealer (even the women). I saw
"good" and "bad" white and black characters,
but there was not even one "good" Latino in the entire
movie (the only "good" Latino character was the junkie
snitch who got killed, but the actor was really a
"brother" who spoke very bad, very fake Spanish). Shame
on you, Samuel L. Jackson and John Singleton! If you are going to
represent us, please be fair and get the facts straight. We're
not all drug dealers and criminals. By the way, the regional
accents of the Latinos characters was obviously that of
west-coast Chicanos even though the film was set in New York City
(which is predominantly Puerto Rican and Dominican). What's up
with that?
(A disappointed fan)
Marina Ortiz
Bronx, NY
Dear Marina,
The whole point of the original "Shaft" was to make the
black guy a member of the ONLY good race. The original movie is a
put-down to Italians, Irish, Latinos and pretty much every
non-black group, but that's the whole point. And the REASON John
Shaft is better than they are is that he's MEANER than they are.
He doesn't play by the rules, but he cheats for a good cause.
It's not illegal to demonize a race in a movie. Do you know how
many movies demonize my own southern redneck heritage? But I
don't write letters about it, because I can make the imaginative
leap into the point of view of the protagonist. Movies are
allowed to have a point of view. To say they should always
balance good and bad among ethnic groups is to write some kind of
recipe for canned crapola.
Preciate the remarks.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Cloris Leachman was Miss Chicago in 1946, i found it on the
internet movie database.
Jody Schart
Dear
Jody,
Well, that kinda makes sense, doesn't it, because she was already
playing the "too old to tango" woman in "Last
Picture Show," wasn't she?
But
wow!
Preciate the info, hon.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Mr. Joe Bob Sir,
I absolutely love "MonsterVision," it's a great
opportunity to watch all of the old movies without having to run
to the video store or search around for them and not be able to
find it. I was just wondering, could you please play
"Chopper Chicks in Zombietown" if you have it
available? It is a perfect example of a classic Troma B rated
film. Thanks so much.
Alicia
Dear Alicia,
I reviewed "Chopper Chicks in Zombietown" when it first
came out, and I love it just as much as you do. Unfortunately, I
no longer have any control over what TNT plays, because I'm off
the show! Thanks for the nice words, though.
When I reviewed "Chopper Chicks," I gave Billy Bob
Thornton an award for his role as the weenie husband. It was the
only award he ever received prior to winning his Oscar!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear
Joe Bob,
I have never written a fan letter before, probably because it was
never this easy (e-mail) but I really like your show. Your
knowledge and love of movies shows that you are more than just
another smart-alec host. It is not always obvious why certain
people deserve their jobs but there is no question about you.
It's nice that your not a snob, either. You can appreciate a good
crappy movie as much as myself and the rest of average America.
I do want to tell you something about "Trading Places"
that I was disappointed you missed. There's a scene in the
country club where one of the girls is finishing a story with the
line: "And I stepped on the ping pong ball" followed by
general laughter.
I believe that is lifted directly from the play "Auntie Mame."
Those are the exact words of Gloria Upson from a country-club
story she tells. If I am wrong please correct me.
P.S. You are forgiven for not knowing that because that's theatre
not screen. And keep up the good work.
Amber Lauer
Portland, OR
Dear Amber,
Thanks for those nice words, hon. You're right to assume I've
never seen "Auntie Mame." Wasn't that Rosalind Russell?
Anyway, I thought the ping pong ball reference involved a live
stage show I saw one time in Bangkok. Thanks for clearing that
up.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
So what the hell is up with you leaving the TNT family? Did you
feel you needed to move on or they didn't want you or what? I am
just curious and I don't plan to tell any one if you fear the bad
publicity or whatever. I have been following your work since I
was stationed in Turkey in '91. Stars and Stripes thought
it was funny to have your page opposite Linda Ellerbees.
Take Care,
Justin
P.S. Funny how you and Jane left at the same time? Ha-Ha
Dear Justin,
Well, they just fired me. They didn't give me a reason. They did
it through my agent. Then they've been telling people it was some
kind of mutual thing. It was very simple. They just fired me! I
don't know why they're mucking up the story by not saying
"Well, we fired him."
Anyhoo, that's what happened.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
Just writing to tell you that you'll be sorely missed on Saturday
nights since "Uncle Ted and the brilliant TNT staff (HEAVY
sarcasm)" decided they need to change formats. Do they think
they'll get people to watch Maximum Overdrive without you
hosting? Yeah right! Hopefully a rival network will snatch you up
and make TNT pay! =0) Plus if you can hook up with a premium
channel you wouldn't have to deal with all those no fun censors
and could show the real deal, classic flicks in their original
state! Hope to see you hosting the drive-in on Friday or Saturday
night on the tube in the near future. I'm sure we will because to
quote you, "The Drive In Will Never Die".
Best wishes,
Luke Tucker
Clinton, IA
Dear Luke,
Thanks for the encouragement, bud, but if I ever went to a
premium channel, I'd feel like I was going backwards! I was on
The Movie Channel for so long it would be like repeating history.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hey, Joe Bob,
Why on earth did TNT let you leave MonsterVision?
Man, the last time I got this ticked about a network TV misstep
was when Mystery Science Theater 2000 was canceled (I won't count
the time when they canceled Rocky and Bullwinkle, since I was
still using crayons to write the TV network programming executive
nuts about that one).
Well,
I've enjoyed your acting, your unique hosting style, and humor.
You were the main reason I watched MonsterVision. Your Texas
trailer park humbug along with those witty information asides
about those tired old TNT rerun films kept me hooked to the show
for years. TNT just lost themselves the "Will Rogers of
drive-in TV" and opened up my late night Saturday evenings
for something else.
Best
wishes John Bloom and thanks for a great 5 year run on TNT
Monstervision as Joe Bob Briggs.
PS: I'm glad that you are still doing "God Stuff" on
the Daily Show.
Sincerely,
James Scott Taylor
Everett, WA
Dear Jimbo,
If I knew I was gonna get this much attention, I'd get fired more
often!
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
I tell you, Joe Bob, this isn't gonna go down easy. My wife and
I, especially my wife, are really gonna miss you on TNT Saturday
nights. The only good news is that I've been dubbing your
bumpers every week and now have 47 two hour tapes of you, so
we'll start at the beginning again.
What
I'm really hoping is that before we get anywhere near through
them you'll show up somewhere else on the tube. Ted was kind of
dumb about a lot of things, but I hope he wasn't dumb enough to
think we watched the movies just to save the 99cent rental.
I've
got to snap out of this. I feel downright crushed because you're
leaving Monstervision. I've just got to remind myself that at
least you've got a web page, but dammit I'm hoping someone
has enough sense to put you back on the air.
Hey, why not do like the Sopranos and some of them other shows?
When the broadcast networks don't recognize a good thing, go to
premium! I know you were on TMC, but that was way back
before we had our dish and could see you. I think you'd be right
at home on Cinemax.
Bob Church
Athens, OH
Gwyn would also sign this, but she's in bed and I don't want to
wake her up for bad news. Truth is, you don't want to wake her
up, period. She's a good woman, but don't mess with her
sleep.
Dear Bob,
Why don't I just invite every single "MonsterVision"
viewer over to YOUR house to watch those tapes?
Hang
in there,
Joe Bob
Hi Joe Bob,
I'm still getting used to this "internet" nonsense (but
at least there's the occasional sight of nekkid gals so it's not
all bad), and when I first searched a few months ago all the Joe
Bob sites seemed top be dormat/old, so I'm impressed that you're
still goin' strong. Maybe I was using the wrong search engine, or
not doin' it right ( there's every possibility of that).
I
came across a bundle of cheap Joe Bob reports in a shop in London
last year, and wonder if there are still back issues available of
We are the Weird & the Joe Bob Briggs Report? I'm gonna
hafta go now as England are preparing to play Germany at soccer
tonight & it's a big event. A clash of old enemies (but what
the heck, they may beat us at soccer - football as we call it -
but we beat them at their national sport [war].
All
the best from sunny England (for a change, the weather is nice
today but "Summer" has been a real disappointment so
far).
Cheers,
Geoff
SOUTH YORKSHIRE,
UNITED KINGDOM
Dear Geoff,
Yes, I do have some back issues of "We Are the Weird"
and "The Joe Bob Report," but I've got to go fish them
out of my garage before we can start selling them. So don't nag
me!
Preciate the support, bud. It's about time I made one of my
periodic visits to our former oppressors.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe
Bob,
1. Any chance of a book that has ALL of your movie reviews being
published? I remember reading about THE ULTIMATE JOE BOB in the
newsletter 5 years ago and I thought that was going to be it, but
it was never published.
2.
What defunct drive-in was the intro to your SLEAZIEST FILMS
series filmed at?
3.
This website's great, but I still miss the newsletter, especially
the DRIVE-IN BOARD OF EXPERTS I was on. Now that you're leaving
TNT, I hope you show up somewhere else hosting movies. Keep up
the good work, thanks for reading this and best of luck in your
new endeavors.
Terry Maher
Dear Terry,
That abandoned drive-in was in Jacksboro, Texas, which is about
halfway between Fort Worth and Wichita Falls--Larry McMurtry
"Last Picture Show" country, if you know Texas. And The
Ultimate B Movie Guide is still in the process of being written.
I thought I had a publisher for it last year, but they wimped out
on me. Now I'm working with someone else. It's a very difficult
book to do because of all the graphics and photos and design
elements.
And yes, I'm sure I'll rise like the ashes from the phoenix once
more on TV.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
I can't believe it when I visited Monstervision on the Web and it
said you were moving on. Please tell me you'll still going to be
hosting a show on some channel somewhere! It deeply saddened me
to hear you were going as you are the best thing on late night
TV.
A fan,
Steve Jencks
Dear Steve,
Well, thanks for that testimonial, bud. The market for cult
movies just ain't what it used to be! But I'm sure I'll be
around.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob-
You are the man. I share your obsession with the drive-in. I am
also a huge fan of Monstervision, which I watch every Saturday I
can. I have tons of episodes taped (don't tell Ted please), my
favorite of which is "Razorback" and "Its Alive
III." Once I started watching I got hooked on your sense of
humor, so I checked out your books from the local libraries. Your
reviews are hilarious. I just thought to tell you that I love
your show, and its really the only one I watch on TV. Oh,
and I wanted to add that I film movies, most of which are horror.
We are doing this one right now that's completely in the theme of
the 80s. All 80s costumes, music, exploding heads.
A
total tribute to the time of REAL horror movies. I would love to
send you a copy after we are done. There's even a character named
John Bloom as a host of a horror show. Anyway man, I want you to
now that your show and your books have been inspirational to me,
and always give me a laugh whenever I'm down or stressed out.
Thanks Joe Bob. If for some reason I ever make it into the movie
business, which is so slim nowadays, you will be the first person
I'll call. I will put you in a scene with a giant chainsaw
chasing a topless Bo Derek lookalike.
Red Clark
Illinois
P.S. On the Monstervision sight it says you are leaving
Monstervision, is this true, there was no other info? And if you
are leaving are you going to be on another network?
Dear Red,
Only a lookalike? If I'm going to chase somebody with a chainsaw,
I want it to be the Real Bo!
Anyhoo, preciate all the nice words, bud. And yes, it's true I'm
leaving the show, but I'll turn up, don't worry.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear JoeBob,
I have been a longtime viewer of Monstervision and I just found
out today that your not doing that show anymore. What are you
doing now? Are you still on TV? I saw you in The Stand. I love
that movie. I think that if a horrific plague ever does sweep the
earth I have a decent chance of surviving. Honestly I think that
if that ever does happen there would be a Mad Max kind of post-apocolyptic
America instead of Stephen King's version. Not that I'm
knocking Big Steve or anything.
later,
Joanne
Dear Joanne,
Well, news travels fast, doesn't it? I haven't decided for sure
what to do next in TV, so for right now I'm concentrating on my
first career, writing. Preciate the concern, though.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Mr. John Bloom aka Joe Bob Briggs,
Greetings......Had to drop you an E-mail to let you know how much
you will be missed on tnt Monstervision....bummer. I have
enjoyed your hosting on tnt for years. Wow the world will never
be the same. I just don't know how I will get thru the week
without my dose of Joe Bob humor and insight into the human
condition.
I am
one of a small group of artists. I sculpt heads......mostly
people or monsters of the horror industry. I am interesting in
doing your head Joe Bob. I will not bore you with details
now but just wanted to contact you. If you are interested at all
please contact me.
I
wish you all the best in what ever endeavors you chose for your
future. Oh yes I wanted to ask if you have ever had a
lifecast done of your wonderful face?
Sincerely,
Carol Hicks
Dear Carol,
Did you just say "I sculpt monsters. Wanna pose?"
Joe Bob
Joe
Bob,
Glad
to see you in action with your own site. The dermatology in the
cinema site goes strong, what with the Farrelly brothers, X-men,
etc. to keep me busy with grisly skin conditions. Keep up the
good work...
--Vail Reese, MD
Dear Vail,
I always tell people that you have one of THE most distinctive
sites anywhere on the net, and I'm happy to see that you're
continuing that fine tradition of the medically legitimate
gross-out shot.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Being
that I consider you the utmost expert in movies, I mean when one
stinks you said it did and sure nuff it did. I am looking for two
old movies. One is The High And The Mighty, and the other is God
is My Co-Pilot, (about Tex Hill and General Chanaullts Flying
Tigers. I went through Ted's stuff and couldn't find anything,
Amazon DOT COM can't seem to locate this stuff either, am I going
to have to go to Taiwan or what?
Thanks
Randy Pratt
New London, Texas
Randy,
When you say you're "looking for" them, you mean you
want to buy videos? The most complete source of current videos
for sale is Movies Unlimited out of Philadelphia. But if it's out
of print, and most old titles are, you're going to have to go to
a local video specialty store or someplace like http://www.kozmo.com
or Urban Fetch. I use all the usual suspects myself. If you find
it and the video store will rent it but won't sell it, find out
the cost if you "lose" it. Wes Craven's "Deadly
Blessing" has been out of print for a long time, but I found
a video store that carried it. They warned me that if I didn't
bring it back, it would cost $200. Well, for some collectors,
$200 is not such a bad price!
Good luck, bud. Preciate the nice words.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
I was a faithful Monstervision watcher until several months ago
when TNT started messing with the schedule, and I lost you. Now I
tripped over your page on the TNT website and they said you'll be
leaving. Sorry it took so long to find you just to catch you
leaving. I see you every once in awhile on The Daily Show, but
I'll miss Monstervision. Will you be setting up the trailer and
projector on any other networks in the near future.
Paul Bailey
Indianapolis, IN
Dear Paul,
Well, I'd love to do some OTHER kind of show somewhere, but I'm
running out of networks. So I'm gonna do some writing and some
other things that I can't talk about quite yet. But thanks for
the nice words of support, bud.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear
Joe Bob,
I am quite sure you get enough groupie mail to keep you
"up" a lifetime. So let me just say, I would trade
places with the devil to be one of your misfortunate ex-wives, if
for only awhile. You ARE what is humor to me, and humor is wildly
addictive. So, you ever need new material, I am at your disposal.
Love
. . . God, I love you.
Sincerely, a fellow struggling redneck,
Alicia Kozloski
DeSoto, MO
Dear
Alicia,
You've come along at a very good time, because I'm hiring!
To get the complete Job Application Guidelines for becoming a
Future Ex-wife of Joe Bob, you'll have to wait until my Xerox
order comes back from Kinko's. But please pay special attention
to requirement number 74, especially the part about animal noises
(yours AND mine).
All my best,
Joe Bob
Hey
Joe Bob,
I'm something of a long time fan. I've been watching your show
for a long time. I started watching you in junior high when you
were on The Movie Channel, up in La, at least I think that's what
the channel was called and you weren't censored. Ah the good ol'
days. Anyways I'm 25 now and I've got my Girlfriend hooked on the
show. You introduced me to Surf Nazi's Must Die, great flick, and
many others that I've grown to love just as much. In fact I enjoy
your narrative and witty comments even more. Was a little
surprised however this weekend during the zombie/teenage movie
you didn't
comment on Missy's demands to be eaten. Of course most guys don't
appreciate eating out without having to leave the house. Sorry,
lesbian humor. Nor did you touch on the necrophilia. I mean Missy
had no interest whatsoever in the main character until he was
dead. What does that say in her taste in men? Anyways I just
wanted to say I think you're doing a bang-up job, and I consider
you the Master Guru when it comes to B movies. Glad to see
Leviathan will be playing along with the original Hercules movie
with Lucy Lawless (did she change her name legally?) playing a
dykish Amazon (growl) that's when my crush on her started, but
that's enough of my fantasies. Was bummed when I saw you weren't
going to criticizing CHUD 2. Do you think it would be possible
for you to get the original CHUD? Or would the censors hack that
to death? And since you get Hec do you think Ted could get Evil
Dead?? I have it on tape, but would love to hear on what you have
to say bout that movie, and Ash's ill fated return in the sequel.
My question is, why the hell did he go back!!! I was wondering if
you could come up with the name of this movie; it freaked me out
when I was little. It was about these giant flying bugs, at
night, not misqito, they looked like big June bugs, with short
squat bodies and they made like a high pitch scream.
And
then there was another bug movie with worms in the ground that
ate people and it had something to do with electricity down in
the south somewhere. Again another flick I saw as a kid. Keep up
the good work knowing that not all lesbians think you of as a
jerk.
Thanks for taking the time to read my Letter.
Jeni Moore
San Diego, CA
Dear
Jeni,
Any self-respecting lesbo should know that one of the movies
you're looking for is "Skeeter"! Or is it "Skeeters"?
It was set in Arizona, actually, but it should have been set in
the South, because how many mosquitoes can you have in the driest
state in the union?
Anyhow, I love lesbians. I think every household should have at
least two.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Hello
again Mr. Joe Bob!
This reply is from a year and a half ago... TNT's cousin, Turner
Classic Movies is NOW PLAYING AS I WRITE what I was referring to
then...
Hope
you caught it "Dark Side Of The Rainbow" (Wizard Of Oz
synched with Dark Side of The Moon)
Kenwick
Dear Kenwick,
Man, you DO have eagle eyes. But please tell me you have NOT been
watching Turner Classic Movies 24 hours a day for the last year
and a half.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe Bob,
Just a note to tell you how great it is to find your
"web-site"!
I live in San Jose, Ca.
When I lived in Burlingame, Ca. your column was in the San
Francisco Chronicle every Sunday. That was back in the 80's.
I sure looked forward to reading it.
I have not been able to find your column since that time.
Anyway, I was on the net the other day, and was trying to find a
site that featured info about the "bad girl" films ,
from the 50's. The films that had those great posters and always
promised more than was delivered once you got inside the theatre.
I was in my teen years , and those posters with the pictures of
the "teen vixens" in tight jeans and tighter sweaters,
increased the speed of my already racing hormones .
So, I found some links to "B" films and in looking
through the endless information, I came across your web site.
I clicked on and have enjoyed checking it out.
Have I found any of the Bad Girl Film ? Nope. Not yet. But I will
keep looking.
Do you still write your column? Do you know what papers on the
west coast (Northern Calif) carry it?
"Passion -pits Forever!!
Dwayne Raser
San Jose, CA
Dear Dwayne,
Haven't written the column for two or three years now, but thanks
for remembering. The best bad girl films of all were directed by
the great Doris Wishman, but in the sixties, not the fifties.
"Bad Girls Don't Cry"--have you seen that one?
Anyway, thanks for the nice words.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Dear Joe Bob,
I watch your show all the time not because I like you but because
the movies are good. To tell you the truth you annoy me! You seem
to think your jokes are funny well they are stupid. Get some
better writters or if you write your Own jokes stop writting
them. Just had to speak my mind.
Amy
From Iowa
Dear Amy,
Well, you'll be happy to know that they fired me!
See, I try to please ALL the fans, all the time.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe
Bob:
I went to
Arlington last weekend to watch the Mariners kick some Ranger
butt, and guess what? The local place to dial-in with Earthlink
was Grapevine Texas.
So I guess I'm now
a Grapevine tourist.
I may also have
driven thru Grapevine but it's hard to say. I do know that hiway
121 does some gettin around north and west of Dallas. That area
between Dallas and Fort Worth, BTW, is gone ... it's a gob of
hotels, buidnesses, service stations, fast fooders, Home Depots
and malls.
BTW2: I noticed a
few SUVs on the road. Did a count. Outnumber normal passenger
vehicles about 9 to 6. What are those folks trying to do? Did not
see a single muddy tire. Why not get a Chevy 454 Dually and
really kick butt?
I'd like to have a
wire guided missile for those SUVs. Could make those hiways safe
for America again. However, do love to see an SUV fill up at the
gas station ... bout $60... oh yeah! Keep up the good work.
M.F.
Cremin
Sand Springs, OK
Dear
Michael,
You know, I agree with you. Normally I like big cars. Huge
mothers. Cars that get 3 miles a gallon and have air
conditioners that can blow your face off. But something about
these SUV's annoys the bejeezus out of me. I wanna buy a
Humvee and play chicken.
Preciate the Grapevine update, bud.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
Joe
Bob:
Yeah, a humvee might be bettern a dually. But a bazooka, that's
the ticket. If I had a loader, could likely take out 10 SUVs per
mile. Even better, a Star Trek phazer ... vaporize em.
You tell me: Ever see a "Sports" Utility Vehicle with a
muddy tire?
I hope to hell you didn't move to Ell Ayy! I realize that
Grapevine is pretty much screwed with development; get on out to
Leviland. Aint no development there. Robert Earl Keen even wrote
a tune about Leviland.
M.F. Cremin
Sand Springs, OK
Joe Bob:
Why are you leaving TNT's monstervision? I am a big fan because
you are there to explain it all to us and without you it is
really confusing sometimes. I just wish you weren't leaving. Now
I have no reason to stay up late Saturday night.
Many great Nights,
Kevin
Dear Kevin,
Thanks so much for those supportive words, bud, but it wasn't my
choice. TNT moved on to other things and didn't want a host
anymore.
I'll let you know just as soon as I go back on TV.
All my best,
Joe Bob
Dear Mr. Briggs,
I've written to you before and I just want to wish you luck in
your new endeavors whatever they may be. Summer just isn't the
same without your summer school. Even though I'm taking Calc II
summer school I think I'd rather be learning about PeeWee Herman.
Scratch that, maybe I like the integral better than I thought.
Anyway, I never read any on the classic Joe Bob columns because
the local paper the Cleveland Plain Dealer wussed out on us (the
boob count didn't go over well). I was checking out the March 13,
1995 column about Christian academies.
I didn't go to a Christian academy, but Catholic schools. And
yes, Mr. Briggs, it was about as awful as the Christian ones you
describe. It was not a place for joyful memories for me and yes,
I was separated from the opposite sex for four years known as
single sex education. It was not a place that encouraged
questioning for the most part and I received a great deal of my
education from Time magazine and anything else I could get my
hands on.
You mentioned that the state won't get involved. That is correct.
Every time someone called a state agency to complain they would
say that there hands are tied because it was a religious school.
Thanks for saying something that is true that few people will say
for fear of being criticized as being anti-religion. Faith has
nothing to do with a system like that, more like fear.
Your fan,
Amanda
Dear Amanda,
You're right. I wasn't sufficiently abusive toward the Catholic
Nazi academies, was I?
Thanks for the nice words, hon. I'm a big fan of Cleveland, you
know, because it was the site of my performing debut.
Hang in there,
Joe Bob
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